Sea Cruise
by King in Yellow
Summary: Kim Possible found college a life-changing experience. But the first real security mission for the new Global Justice agent will be assigned because of her past experiences. Some things remain the same. Other things are different. How will an older Kim deal with a Shego who is not wanted (at the moment), but still dangerous? Dangerous to whom? NOT part of Best Enemies series.
1. Come On Down to My Boat

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from Kim Possible are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Huey "Piano" Smith wrote 'Sea Cruise' and recorded it with the Clowns. In an unfathomable record executive decision a young singer, Frankie Ford, provided overdubbed vocals with added sound effects. The 1959 song was the highest charting release in Ford's long career. I'm not a huge fan of the 1967 song by Every Mother's Son behind this chapter title, but any port in a storm... Which might end up a chapter title.

Alert readers will immediately pick up that Kim has graduated college and joined Global Justice. This hint provided for the less alert.

**Come on Down to My Boat Baby**

"May I go on record as opposed to Agent Possible's inclusion on this mission?" Will Du asked the mission coordinator.

Rose Gardner sighed, "Agent Du, the senior agents have a rubber stamp that reads, 'Agent Du objected.' We use it on our orders before we sign them and return them to Doctor Director. Agent Possible may be new to Global Justice, but she has the director's full confidence and–"

"This is a highly confidential assignment and–"

"No, not especially. Have you read your orders or not?" Du blushed as she continued. "If you had you would also see why Agent Possible, is particularly suited for the assignment."

"Excuse me," Kim asked timidly. "This is my first session on the mission, and I'm not sure I've been fully briefed on it – or why I'm particularly suited for it."

"Okay... I'm not sure how... Doctor Directer trusts you, so I'm telling you more than you will need for this. I suspect you'll be going on some of Du's highly confidential assignments before too long. Security costs for international meetings have skyrocketed. Anarchists rioting at meetings in Italy. Basque separatists disrupting Spanish meetings. Idiots in Guy Fawkes masks. Skin heads. Skin head counter-protesters. Environmentalists claiming governments aren't doing enough... At least the environmentalists clean up after themselves. So some meetings are held secretly on cruises. Limits the ability of protesters to disrupt, keeps delegates from walking out and flying home, nice break for us security personnel... Mind you, it's going to come back and bite us in the ass someday when word of high level talks being held in secret get out, but–"

Kim coughed gently to get the conversation back on track.

"Sorry. This is not a secret meeting, _per se._ It's an exchange of technology and strategies for reducing world carbon emissions. Expect the Chinese and the Indians to be even bigger idiots than the Americans. There will just be a few of us from Global Justice on board for security, but there will be small security contingents from every nation represented on board. Most of them play nice and furnish Justice with the names of their personnel. A few don't. Not all passengers are there for the global warming conference or security. Some governments buy extra tickets and give them out as perks for bureaucrats and friends. There are regular paying passengers on this particular trip. Still, it would usually be considered a cruise vacation for a Global Justice agent."

"Usually?"

"Ah, and that is where you come in. Among the scheduled passengers? Alexis Jade."

"Alexis Jade?" asked Kim, clearly puzzled.

"You haven't followed your old enemy? Alexis Jade is her latest alias, you knew her as Shego."

"It's been years. That was high school. It seemed like she dropped out of sight."

"Not completely out of sight. She's had someone doing favors for her, and she is currently not wanted. Global Justice is very curious what she did to earn those favors. And we sure as Hell would like to know what she is doing on this cruise. This isn't top secret, but there are quite a number of important scientists and inventors attending, and technology will be discussed. She specialized in stealing technology when she worked for Drakken. Under normal circumstances making sure you had an even layer of suntan lotion would be the biggest worry on this mission. She represents a unique potential threat, and you are unique in having fought, and defeated her, more than anyone else in the world."

"We can't just arrest her?"

"No. Like I told you, currently there are no warrants out on her. Doctor Director wants you there in case something happens to change that status quo."

"So... I'm on the mission to watch Alexis Jade, AKA Shego, who currently has no warrants out on her, but is still considered a person of interest?"

"Correct. Her presence may have nothing to do with the conference. She could be there to steal something else. She might simply be taking the cruise for pleasure. But at this point in time she represents the biggest known potential threat, so we need her watched – and you have point on that."

"Got it."

"I'll mention she's using a Maltese passport."

Kim nodded, "Not surprising." Malta was one of several countries that sold citizenship, and passports. What made Americans, who were afraid that a US passport might be dangerous for traveling, like Maltese passports in particular was the fact English was an official language of Malta, so they wouldn't be asked to speak another language to 'prove' their nationality.

* * *

Will Du waited to speak with Kim after the meeting.

"Agent Possible?"

"Call me Kim."

"Thank you. Please realize there was no personal animosity in my objection. You are very new and–"

"I know... Can I call you Will?"

"I would prefer you... Yes. Will is fine. I feel it is incumbent upon me to warn you that agents have been hazed on these assignments and, as the most recent addition to the team, you are in a vulnerable position."

"What do you mean?"

"The first time I was on a security cruise? Other agents spiked my drink and–"

"Drugs?"

"No, simply additional alcohol. I have a low tolerance and, while I do not remember the evening, I awoke the following morning in a lifeboat with a goat. I can assure you that any pictures you might see were photo-shopped. I would not have, uh, done anything with a goat."

"A goat? A goat on a cruise ship?"

"A small goat. The cruise line offers something called goat yoga."

Kim appreciated that Du had offered her advice on staying safe. But Kim did not fear the other GJ agents. She had already been invited to join in some as yet-to-be-determined prank on Agent Du. Despite being sorely tempted she had turned down the offer. "Thanks for the warning. I'll be careful. Will, I, ah, don't want this to sound bad, but have you considered the possibility maybe someone has it in for you, and that was why you were the victim?"

"I can't imagine anyone having it in for me," he replied in a haughty tone. "I'm simply warning you to be careful."

"And I am grateful. Thank you."

* * *

Security agents from cooperating nations were invited to a cocktail/social hour the evening before the cruise.

"Lousy cocktail hour," grumbled a Canadian. "No cocktails."

"We're supposed to stay sober," his partner reminded him. "You heard about the Poles that time?"

The first Canuck chuckled at the reminder.

The major purpose of the session was to familiarize the security personnel with one another. A second function was to allow each group to mention anything unusual about conference delegates or other issues to watch for during the cruise. Shego fell under the heading of issues to watch for.

Rose Gardner addressed the group, "Agent Possible is very familiar with Alexis Jade, as she now calls herself, and will take point duty." Kim waved to the others to indicate her identity. "If you observe suspicious activity from Ms Jade please alert Kim. As usual Global Justice has a suite, this cruise it's D suite on deck five. There will always be beer and soft drinks in the fridge and crisps and biscuits. Help yourselves. There will be a large bulletin board on which you should post information to share with the rest of us. It is open twenty-four seven. The suite itself is open. I'm in the bedroom. Please don't think it is available for hook-ups; and try to keep the noise level down between eleven p.m. and eight a.m."

There was some laughter at the expense of a French security agent who had not realized the bedroom in the suite was taken.

"Will we be playing out-the-agent?" called someone.

Gardner rolled her eyes. "That is a deplorable game. I do not condone or approve of it in any way. However, there will also be a small bulletin board available in the suite as well, if any of you indulge. Just remember, I didn't approve."

"Out-the-agent?" Kim whispered to Will Du, who was standing near her.

"I'll explain after the social hour," he replied.

As the meeting ended Kim stayed with Will Du to remind him, "Out-the-agent?"

"Yes. I agree with Agent Gardner. A deplorable game. I don't know why she allows a bulletin board in the Global Justice suite to–"

"What is it?"

"Essentially it is an attempt to identify security agents for countries who do not cooperate with Global Justice. The assumption is that they may not merely be security personnel, but are intelligence agents who do not wish to have their identities compromised."

"So Global Justice agents try to compromise their identities?"

"This Global Justice agent does not. Several national security groups seem to take delight in it. There may even be some point value assigned... I really don't know. I believe that to get full points for United States you need to also identify the agency they work for... Apparently the CIA, NSA, military intelligence, and occasionally even the FBI will provide agents – and not only will they not let Global Justice know who they are sending they won't even share the information with the other American agencies. At least the Russians and some of the other non-cooperating nationalities let their people know the other members of their own security teams."

Kim suspected that monitoring Shego would take the majority of her time, but filed the fact away in her mind – a reminder that the security agents she had just met were not the only ones who would be on-board. She also recognized that, as an American, she had a bias towards trusting US security personal – but she probably shouldn't. And, also as an American, her bias would be to distrust Russian or Chinese agents – although she knew intellectually that they _might_ be trustworthy.

* * *

The cruise originated at Invergordon (Inverness). Kim wished the starting point had been in a location where English was spoken, remembering from Duff Killigan that intelligibility could not be expected from the Scots. Passengers were requested to board at least two hours before departure to insure the necessary paperwork was completed. Global Justice and other cooperating security personal huddled in the cool darkness at four a.m. for their boarding. They would be the first passengers on board. Non-cooperating nations probably had some of their agents working as cruise staff who would have checked for security issues (and possibly planted bugs) while the ship was being prepped for the cruise.

Kim dropped her luggage in her cabin, and grimaced at its tiny size and Spartan furnishings. She had been warned to expect economy for all the Justice agents except for Rose, whose suite served as a gathering point, but hadn't expected this much economy. She reminded herself, _"Just for sleeping. I'm supposed to be out making sure there aren't any problems when I'm awake."_

The redhead unpacked and put away her clothes and headed for the Justice suite. All the Global Justice agents chatted in the common area. Kim developed a theory as she noticed the national agents who were, or were not, also there. She whispered her idea to an older Justice agent, "Can I assume that the people here have cabins as bad as ours, and those who aren't here come from countries that provide better cabins?"

He gave her a conspiratorial smile and winked, "You nailed it. I punch in and spend my shift on a bar stool in the forward lounge. Never know what trouble could start in the lounge. Sometimes I put in overtime." He sighed, "Sounds like you've got a real assignment. Somebody needs to do it. These missions are usually more fun than you'll probably have."

"Thanks. If I get a free minute and need a sympathetic ear I may look for you at the bar."

"You're always welcome... Uh, unless I'm chatting with someone attractive. In that case..."

"I have no idea who you are and ignore you."

He nodded, "Right. Oh, and a bit of cruise romance is accepted – just don't hook up with a goat. Did you hear about Willy and the Nanny?"

"I'm ignoring the story as best I can."

* * *

As dawn began to lighten the skies passengers began arriving at the dock. Many of the security force remained socializing in the Justice cabin, but Kim was among those who went to an upper deck to observe the arrivals.

"The non-cooperating nations try to sneak their security personnel on as ordinary passengers," a Canadian who had joined her at the railing explained. "Don't know why they bother – we've probably ID'ed two-thirds of them at this point."

"I'm looking for Shego – Alexis Jade."

"Good luck with that. I hear she's real dangerous."

"I can confirm that."

"If you need any help with her, give me a call. Hey, give me a call for anything, _anything_ at all."

"Does your wife know you flirt on missions?"

"I'm not mar–"

"Always wear a wedding ring?"

"Damn," he muttered and moved away, taking off the ring and thrusting it into a pocket.

_"How are you not my type,"_ Kim thought to herself as he retreated. _"Let me count the ways."_

Guidelines suggested passengers board at least two hours before departure, which, of course, meant a huge crowd trying to board at the same time. Kim did not see Shego in the throng. It meant nothing. The green woman might be in disguise. Perhaps Kim had missed seeing her in the crowd – although Kim doubted that was possible. The older woman might have arrived even before the security agents and bribed her way on board. Kim allowed for a slight chance Shego had abandoned plans for the cruise. The more likely scenario, in Kim's mind was confirmed a little more than an hour later when Shego got out of a taxi on the dock and the driver pulled her luggage from the vehicle. Shego was ignoring the guidelines in order to arrive 'fashionably late'. Kim wasn't sure if it reflected Shego's contempt for following rules or was common sense on the older woman's part. The crush of passengers that had clogged efforts to board at precisely two hours before scheduled departure had largely thinned by the time Shego arrived and she breezed on board easily.

It took Kim a couple seconds to recognize her old enemy. _"Why did I think she's be in that green-and-black catsuit?"_ she asked herself. _"I'm not wearing the clothes I wore five years ago."_ Shego's tailored dark green jacket, black skirt, and sea foam silk blouse were slightly formal as cruise wear, but Kim suspected Shego would change in her cabin... A much nicer cabin than the one to which Kim had been assigned – Kim had checked.

Assuming it would take Shego a few minutes to settle in, Kim checked in the Justice suite. "Shego's on board," she reported to Rose.

Gardner gave her a small cluck of sympathy. "Too bad. Figured out how you'll keep her under surveillance?"

"Not really," Kim confessed. "She's probably too suspicious for me to remain hidden. I'll probably just try to hang around wherever she is. She'll assume I'm watching her but, hey, I am. Maybe it'll make her think twice about whatever she's here to do."

"I guess it's a plan. She's such an unknown it's hard to know what strategy to adopt. If you need a break I can give another agent a shift... Think that would work to keep her from recognizing you've been assigned to shadow her?"

"If I stay anywhere near her she'll know I'm watching her. She'd figure I'd just walk away to avoid her if I was on my own. I may just go for 'in your face' surveillance – I think that's the best way to discourage her."

"Well, good luck. Don't know what else to tell you."

Kim returned to a rail, ostensibly to look at the last-minute arrivals and preparation for departure. Having checked out Shego's cabin earlier Kim had a clear view of the door Shego would most likely use to get to the deck.

The blast of a steam whistle announced the start of the cruise, and gangways were pulled up. The decks were crowded as seemingly all passengers were on deck to watch. Kim had not seen Shego. Could the green woman already be stealing something? Kim worried she might already have failed when she heard a familiar voice behind her, "Princess? Long time no see. What the Hell are you doing here?"


	2. Whatever You Say, Say Nothing

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Kim can't talk about her security job, and Shego won't talk about why she's on-board.

_Whatever you say, say nothing  
When you talk about you know what  
For if you know who could hear you  
You know what you'd get_

**Whatever You Say, Say Nothing**

The blast of a steam whistle announced the start of the cruise, and gangways were pulled up. Seemingly all passengers swarmed to a deck to watch. Kim had not seen Shego. Could the green woman already be stealing something? Kim worried she might already have failed when she heard a familiar voice behind her, "Princess? Long time no see. What the Hell are you doing here?"

Startled, Kim spun around – kicking herself for concentrating on the door she had thought Shego would use instead of being aware of her own surroundings. She tried to sound casual, "Shego? What a surprise! What are you doing here?"

"Taking a cruise. Duh. What did you think I was doing onboard – alligator wrestling?"

"Do they offer that? I hear they have goat yoga."

"And, as a point of information, it's not Shego anymore. I'm currently Alexis Jade."

"In my heart you'll always be Shego."

"And you probably knew all about my current status and name, since it doesn't appear Global Justice agent Kim Possible wants to arrest me."

"Not sure what you mean by 'wants'. I'd love to arrest you, but I heard a rumor there weren't any warrants out on you. It seems a bit hard to believe. What do you mean, Global Justice agent Kim Possible?"

"Are you going to deny it? I've followed you, Cupcake."

"I'm flattered. But like you, I'm just here for a cruise."

"What a coincidence."

"Indeed."

"Just a cruise? Totally innocent?"

"Just like you," drawled Kim.

"Well, it's a very large ship. Let's try hard to not see each other."

"After following the news about me you want to dump me now? You'll hurt my feelings. The ship isn't that large, I'm sure we'll see a great deal of each other."

"Like, every time I turn around I'll find you hiding behind a potted plant or something?"

"You're being paranoid. Or perhaps you have something to hide. I'm sure I'll turn up everywhere you go simply because our tastes are so similar."

Shego opened her mouth to reply, thought better of conversation, spun on her heel, and stalked off.

Kim stared at Shego's retreating form. _"She looks good."_ Shego had removed the jacket and traded in her heels for sandals. The short, black skirt and green silk blouse tastefully proclaimed casual elegance. Kim suddenly felt ill-at ease. She now felt like her pink sun-dress screamed fourteen year-old, or older woman trying to look younger than her age. While she wracked her brain to remember something better in her luggage Kim found a reason to congratulate herself. She felt like she 'won' the exchange – and Shego's warning, telling Kim to stay away, was an admission Shego had something to hide. Kim would count that as a second 'win'. Score: two to zero... On the other hand, Shego had surprised her when Kim had lost focus. Score: two to one. And Shego dressed better than Kim, but would not be awarded a point for that.

_"She's here to steal something,"_ remained Kim's top guess. _"Could she be working security for a non-cooperating country?"_ Kim couldn't rule out the theory. She'd watch the out-the-agent bulletin board in the Justice suite to see if anyone discovered Shego's employer. Could she be here strictly as a vacation? Kim couldn't rule that out, but had it down as theory number five. She currently had no theory three or four. But when she added another theory it would have to be more plausible than Shego's presence on-board being mere coincidence.

Before going after Shego, Kim decided to hit one of the ship's boutiques to check for nicer outfits. _"If I'm going to be staying around her, I should be dressed as nicely as she is, right?"_ Another advantage to the delay – it would give Shego a head start. If Kim could find Shego in a half hour or less after she began looking Kim would award herself another point. If it took Kim an hour or more to locate Shego the point went to the green woman. If Shego had gone into her cabin to sulk and hide after talking with Kim that would also be a point for Kim. _"Should be two points if she's avoiding me,"_ Kim thought. _"How do I check and see if she's in her cabin sulking?"_

One pair of white canvas shorts, a yellow blouse, and a coordinating yellow sunhat later Kim went looking for Shego – after a brief detour to throw the sundress in her own cabin.

Intellectually Kim knew the cruise ship was huge. It is one thing to intellectually recognize the fact, but while trying to locate Shego the reality of how huge hit. _"Would have been worth two points if I could have found her in a half hour or less,"_ Kim decided for any further scoring of points. Still, Kim counted it as a victory that she found Shego in less than an hour.

The large pool was not crowded yet. Most passengers were still organizing their cabins. The deck overlooking the main pool area promised to be crowded in the near future, and Shego occupied a position that allowed her to watch the activity. It was a location Kim would have chosen if she were doing surveillance, and in a sense she was. Shego had changed to a black-and-green one piece bathing suit. Kim guessed the over-sized watch on Shego's wrist contained a variety of monitoring and communications capabilities. On the other hand, the canvas carryall sitting on the deck beside Shego probably contained more magazines, like the one the green woman was reading, sun-tan lotion, and something to drink.

"Sorry, couldn't find a potted plant to hide behind," Kim announced as she moved a deck chair nearer Shego's chair and sat on it.

"Nice outfit. Did you buy it just for me?"

"This old thing? I've had it forever."

"So the price tag has been on it since forever?"

"What?" Kim quickly removed the hat, removed the tag, and replaced the hat on her head.

"If you're trying to impress me, try green," suggested Shego. "First, it's my color. Second, it will really make your red hair pop with the contrast."

"I'm not trying to impress you."

"Says the woman in the new hat."

"I bought it for the cruise. I just happened to change now."

"You'd be more convincing if you didn't change your story."

"I wasn't planning on being interrogated."

"And I planned on reading," Shego said, turning her attention to a magazine.

Kim wondered what she should do. Shego apparently meant to ignore her for the time being. Kim could make herself a bloody nuisance, which didn't really appeal to her. She could watch the passengers who came to the pool, which was probably what Shego planned for herself whenever her target or employer appeared. Kim had a paperback romance novel in her cabin she did not want Shego to see her reading. The onboard drugstore had a rack of more acceptable paperbacks and magazines, and there was a small ship's library... Would Shego still be here if Kim ran to get something to read?

Since Kim understood her assignment to be keeping tabs on Shego she decided to settle back in her deck chair. It was an excellent location for studying the passengers who would soon be arriving at the pool.

Security agents, who had come on board early and knew this was more of a vacation for them than an actual assignment were some of the first at the pool. Several waved to Kim when they arrived. Two initially considered her sitting by Shego, who was on the list for potential threats, to be unprofessional. Kim was, to their knowledge, the only security agent who had a real assignment on the ship, the rest of them were simply there 'in case', and nothing was expected to happen. Was it unprofessional for Kim to be seated by Shego? She was supposed to be working even if they weren't. They reflected that Shego knew Kim, so covert surveillance would be problematic. Apparently Kim had decided that the 'in your face' approach was the best strategy – let the thief know she was on the radar.

"All Global Justice agents?" asked Shego. "There seem to be a lot of you on board."

"I told you, I'm just here for a vacation."

Shego rolled her eyes.

"C'mon, Pumpkin, I know who you work for. If you were really here for a vacation you wouldn't be sitting beside me. You'd be... Where's Stoppable? I didn't hear about him going to work for Global. He's not an agent, is he?"

"No. It's... It's..."

"Complicated or none of my damn business? Did you dump the chump or are you engaged to Mister Loses His Pants?"

Kim pulled out her cell phone. It took a minute for the phone to be answered. "Ron? Sorry to wake you up. ... No, something really weird going on, and– ... No, I'm sitting by Shego and– ... Of course not!" It appeared to Shego that Kim blushed. She wondered what Ron had said. "I'm trying to show her you're still my best friend in the world!"

"Give me the phone," ordered Shego. "You been lying since you got here, I want to hear his voice."

Kim handed the phone over. "Stoppable? ... Yeah, you sound like you. ... No, I'm just sitting on a deck chair trying to enjoy a cruise and your girl-friend– ... What is she then? ... Look, I really don't care what happened with the two of you. Any chance you could tell her to get off my ass? ... What's so funny?" Shego handed the phone back to Kim. "He started laughing, and hung up. What the Hell?"

"It's probably like four in the morning or something for him, he wasn't thinking clearly."

"Does he ever? Getting back. You're a Global Justice agent, and you're in my face. These people, who are all in decent shape and not old and overweight, are waving at you. They're either other agents or you're part of a tour group without the required number of old, fat people."

"Okay, a couple were Justice agents."

"Only a couple? Get real– Ah, a couple Global Justice agents. Others come from different organizations. Will you let me know if I can guess any right? The guy in the Speedo™ thong? He should not be in a Speedo™. Now, I'll admit he can almost carry it off, almost. France. I'm guessing France. Am I right?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you if you're right."

"Are you allowed to tell me that I'm wrong?"

Kim hesitated, then confessed, "Yes."

Shego gave Kim an honest grin. "Well, I didn't hear you tell me I was wrong."

"And, while you're in a good mood, how about you tell me why you're really here."

"I told you, I'm on vacation."

Kim rolled her eyes, "Do you even know how to tell the truth?"

"I'll have to get back to you on that one. I'm not sure if I remember. But Global Justice agent Kim Possible has been assigned to watch me, who does she think I am?"

"She hasn't made up her mind. There are a couple people who think you might be a security agent of some kind."

"Huh? You don't know all the security agents on board? I thought–"

"Some countries choose not to share information on their–"

"Ah, they're some pricks on board. I should have guessed. And some people think I'm a security agent? Really?"

"That's a minority opinion. And even they go along with the majority opinion: you're regarded as the highest risk on the ship."

"You flatter me, but you're sure I'm not just here to enjoy the cruise?"

"No way. I mean, you had to have been doing some heavy lifting for someone to get those charges against you dropped. No one is sure who, or what you did. You could still be paying off the debt."

"But you still haven't said what you think I'm doing here. You said you don't think I'm working security detail."

"Right. You're allergic to having anyone with authority over you. And doing good is not on your résumé."

"_Au contraire_, as the guy in that thong might say. The problem with you, Cupcake... well, one of your problems, is that you see the world in black and white terms, and I see the world in shades of glorious living gray. What's good to one person may not be good to another. I'm always doing good."

"When you were working for Drakken?"

"He thought it was good to have me on the payroll."

"So, you're always doing good?"

"Right."

"So, how about letting me read one of your magazines?"

"What's in it for me?"

"Well, I could move my deck chair even closer and read over your shoulder."

"My good deed for the day," grumbled Shego, and pulled a magazine from her bag and surrendered it to Kim. "And in return you'll let me eat lunch in peace."

_"When fish start doing algebra,"_ thought Kim. But she said nothing, opening the magazine and starting to read. _"And the way you keep checking that thing on your wrist it has to be way more than a watch."_


	3. Let's Get Drunk and Truck

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

I suspect the 'truck' in this 1936 song title is a euphemism, but it could be slang for something innocent.

**Let's Get Drunk and Truck**

"I thought you weren't going to follow me to lunch," Shego protested, when Kim joined her at a table in the Venice buffet near the pool.

"I recall you voicing some hope on the subject," commented Kim. "But I didn't agree."

"You didn't say you would. I wouldn't have loaned you the damn magazine if you'd said you were going to annoy me at lunch."

"You only handed me the magazine when I threatened to read over your shoulder."

"Any idea if I can take out a restraining order for someone on a cruise? Or maybe I can just report you to ship security as a stalker."

Kim shrugged, "I would imagine that, if they don't have you marked as a suspicious character already, you will go on their radar when–"

"I'm not wanted for anything!"

"Apparently not, but how well will the bribes and pardons to clear your record stand up under close scrutiny?"

"They'll stand up," Shego assured her, hoping it was true.

"Maybe," agreed Kim, "But with your history they'll still want someone to keep an eye on you. I may get a medal for this assignment. A medal, and maybe combat pay."

"No combat pay unless I take a swing at you. But if you stay on my ass I might."

"Oh! Wonderful idea! There's a gym on board, maybe several. A little sparring for old times sake – or would that get in the way of whatever it is you're on board to steal?"

"I'm not here to steal anything," snarled Shego. "You figuring they'll charge me with assault after I beat you?"

"Actually I figure you're probably out of shape. I'm curious if you're even competition for me now."

Shego narrowed her eyes and stared hard at Kim. Kim was throwing down the glove, challenging Shego. Should Shego pick it up: accept the challenge? Had the kid grown into a smug prat who needed to be taken down a peg or two? Was Kim as good as she imagined, or had she forgotten how good Shego was? Shego hadn't had a hard fight in years. She yawned, "You're counting on my competitive spirit to kick in, and you imagine that by distracting me you'll keep me from whatever evil plans I have – which exist only in your head. Not taking the bait, Pumpkin. Go play with yourself and leave me alone."

"I'd rather play with you," pouted Kim.

The green woman rolled her eyes, "Do you know how that sounds?" she snerked.

Kim winked, "Maybe."

_"She's added a weapon or two. Teasing me is new. Maybe I should... No way!"_ Shego said nothing, and concentrated on eating her meal. After finishing she rose from her chair.

"Where now?" asked Kim.

"I don't care where you go, although I have a suggestion. I'm going to take a dip."

"Living dangerously?"

"Eh?"

"You should wait at least a half hour after eating before going in the pool."

"And you should soak your head," suggested Shego.

"Not for a half hour," Kim called at Shego's retreating figure.

Kim followed Shego back to the pool, and watched the green woman dive in. The water looked inviting, but Kim needed to change to her swimsuit. Would Shego still be at the pool when Kim got back? Was this a trick to get Kim to leave so Shego could go somewhere else? _"I'm putting on my suit. If she's gone when I get back I'll just change back and find her."_

Kim took a moment to admire herself in the mirror of the small cabin. She felt good about having purchased a new swimsuit before the mission. _"I look good."_

Shego was out of the pool and on a deck chair when Kim returned to the pool. The green woman had chosen carefully. There was an overweight couple to her left. It looked like it would require a large amount of dynamite to dislodge them from their deck chairs. On Shego's right was the Canadian agent who had tried to pick up Kim earlier. It appeared to Kim he was attempting to chat up Shego, hoping to wear down her resistance. Shego demonstrated her resistance by focusing on her magazine and wondering how long it would take for him to realize she was not interested, although hopefully he'd be patient enough to block Kim from taking possession of the deck chair.

"Took off the wedding ring, I see," commented Kim as she tapped the Canadian on the shoulder. "Would you mind moving so I can sit by my girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" he asked, then beat another retreat.

_"So not my type,"_ she thought again.

"You're going to ruin both of our reputations with comments like that," observed Shego.

"So worth it. He was trying to pick me up earlier. Oh, you owe me a drink."

"Why?"

"For saving you from the lech."

"And who's going to save me from you?"

"Good question. We can talk about this evening over drinks."

* * *

"How did I get here?" muttered Shego as she sat at a small table with Kim waiting for the evening show.

"Well, after the pool we changed in our respective cabins and you tried to avoid me at dinner... You hurt my feelings when you do that. It might make me think you don't like me."

"I can't imagine why."

"Then, after dinner, I stayed with you and suggested we take in the–"

Shego sighed, "When I asked how I got here, it was a rhetorical question."

"Oh, good! I was afraid you might be suffering from short term amnesia."

"Probably from banging my head against the cabin wall. There's a pest who's been following me around all day."

"The Canadian? I know. I am surprised. Canadians are supposed to be so polite, but he simply doesn't understand how to take a hint."

"You're really getting on my nerves," muttered Shego through gritted teeth.

"What would you like me to be on?" Kim purred, and signaled a waitress. "Remember you owe me a drink for saving you from the lech."

"Yes? Can I help you?" the waitress asked.

"A Tom Collins for me, and a strychnine fizz for the stranger sitting there," said Shego, pointing at Kim.

"A strychnine fizz?" asked the puzzled teen.

"Sorry. Wishful thinking. I meant a Shirley Temple. And give her an extra maraschino cherry for being a good girl today."

Kim modified the order to, "I'll have a Hudson Valley Cooler."

"I'm not sure I know that one."

"The bartender may," Kim assured her.

In three minutes she was back, "We have maple syrup, but we don't have Maple Cask Rye. Would–"

"Maple syrup?" snerked Shego. "Sure you don't want the Shirley Temple?"

Kim gritted her teeth. "Whiskey. Neat. A double from the well."

"Think you can handle it, Princess?" Shego mocked after the waitress headed to the bar for their drinks.

"I'm not a high school kid anymore. Learned things in college. Grew up. Changed."

"And you think drinking whiskey will impress me? You were an annoying brat in high school. That doesn't seem to have changed."

"Frustrated because I could defeat the most dangerous woman in the world when I was in high school?"

"Annoyed, because I'm not wanted for anything now? And you're on me like blue on Drakken."

"I have a job to do, and it's keeping you from getting into trouble on this cruise, and do I get the full story on why you left Drakken?"

"I just got tired of the loser and dumped him. Probably the same reason you dumped Stoppable."

"I didn't dump Ron, we just moved in different directions while–"

The waitress returned with their drinks. Shego picked up the Tom Collins and took a sip. Kim picked up her lowball glass and swirled the whiskey around. She didn't like whiskey straight. She wasn't much of a drinker, but wasn't going to say that in front of Shego. A cocktail, like Shego's Tom Collins, represented her occasional drink of choice. Shego had called it. Kim hoped to impress her. _"Maybe it was a dumb idea to order the double, but if I don't drink it now she'll call me a wimp."_ Kim tossed back the double. She clenched her jaw tightly and tried not to show emotion as the vile stuff burned its way down to her stomach.

Kim attempted a smile, to give a 'That's nothing,' appearance. She failed. It is hard to smile while clenching your teeth.

"Well, you tried," Shego commented dryly.

"Okay, that was a mistake. Why do guys do that?"

"Real guys don't. They sip. The guys on movies and television do it to show they have balls. It's bad screenwriting – although I'm guessing simply having a character say, 'Hey, I'm tough', would be even more lame."

"Should have ordered a Tom Collins, like you."

"What the Hell is a Hudson Valley Cooler? Did you think ordering some drink I'd never heard of would make me see you as all growed up?"

"I actually kind of like them. There was a bar near campus that served them."

"So you spent college in a bar? I know some people like that... Don't think any of them graduated."

"I didn't spend college in a bar! But sometimes you just want a place to relax for an hour or two on Friday or Saturday night." Kim looked around, but the waitress appeared busy. "Hold on, I'll be back."

"You don't need to–" Shego started to say as Kim headed for the bar.

The redhead was back a few minutes later with a drink.

"Trying to get drunk?" asked Shego. "You aren't worried I'll slip off to commit evil after you pass out?"

"Virgin piña colada," Kim explained, holding it up. "I needed something to take the taste of whiskey out of my mouth."

The lights dimmed. The show began: a Billy Joel medley for the opening act.

After a few minutes, "I'm out of here," whispered Shego.

"It's just the opener. Don't you like Billy Joel?"

"That's the problem, I do. He's probably turning over in his grave right now."

"I'm pretty sure he's still alive."

"This show will kill him."

"Give them a chance. The real show will be better."

"It would have to be. And you're welcome to stay and find out. Give me a report tomorrow when you're annoying me. Like I said, I'm out of here."

Kim didn't find the show as banal as Shego appeared to find it, and the redhead was almost tempted to stay and see if it improved. But she had a duty to keep Shego from doing something, even if Kim was not sure what. The Global Justice agent reluctantly tagged along as Shego hit the forward lounge.

Several drinks and hours later Shego made another attempt to drive Kim away. The redhead had been evasive earlier in the day when asked about her relationship with Ron. And why had Stoppable started laughing hard and hung up when Shego asked... Shego couldn't remember exactly what she had asked that had brought on the laughter. She just remembered finding his response strange. Maybe Kim would leave if Shego pressed her on the subject.

"So, Cupcake. You and Stoppable. The real story on the break-up?"

While not deliberately trying to keep up with Shego, Kim had still gone considerably over her usual limit, aided by the earlier double shot. Still, even less than sober, she insisted, "Not a break-up."

"Ah, come on, there has to be some kind of a story. Tell Auntie Shego all about it. He dump you for someone who'd put out? You found a real hunk? Two different colleges and absence does _not_ make the heart grow fonder?"

Kim took another sip of her Long Island iced tea, ordered only because Shego had ordered one – Kim didn't realize the potency of the mix, and almost giggled. "None of the above."

"Um, those are the top three answers in the category, 'Why did they break up after high school'. None of those? Really?"

"Nope."

"Ron come out as gay?"

"No."

"You sure? Junior told me about some fight where he and Ron–"

"Ron's not gay."

"Are you sure Ron–"

"I am."

"What?"

"In college, I decided I was–"

"Stop! Your cover story stinks. No one _decides_ she's a lesbian. It's not like you decide you like Captain Crunch better than Fruit Loops. You've listened to too many televangelists who claim it's a choice you make. You don't choose to–"

"Fine," Kim snarled. "_Realized_. Are you happier with 'realized' than decided?"

"Better word. But your story's still bullshit. Peppy little cheerleaders are not lesbians."

"I didn't know I was! Not then. I mean, some people claim they know when they're five. I always... I mean, people always told me that girls like boys and someday I'd meet the right guy and... And I tried. I thought that was what I wanted. But in college–"

"But in college you did a little experimenting. It happens. Doesn't mean anything."

"You don't tell me what I am," Kim insisted, a little louder than necessary.

"Keep it down, you're making a scene. Did you tell mommy and daddy, or are you in the closet? Not that I believe a word of your story."

"I told my mom and dad."

"Got a more convincing story about that than saying you decided to become a lesbian? Going to give me, 'They threw me out and told me never to darken their doorway again' cliché?"

"Realized. I said I realized. My mom and dad love me! They– I think dad blames himself for–"

"Earth to Kim, it isn't carried on the y-chromosome."

"He always told me, 'No boys' when I went out. He thinks–"

"He listens to too many televangelists too. Please tell me your mom is normal."

"Mom is great. She loves me. I don't think she's... She tries to accept me the way I am."

Shego leaned back in her chair for a moment, silent. What in the Hell was Kim doing? Why did Kim need a cover story like the nonsense she was spinning? _"She's trying to wrong foot me,"_ was Shego's best guess. _"Get me confused so I'll make some stupid mistake. Two can play that game."_ Shego felt there was an easy way to expose the fact Kim was lying. Shego got up from the chair.

"Leaving?" asked Kim.

"No," Shego answered. She took a step toward Kim, leaned down, and kissed the redhead on the lips. _"She claims she's a lesbian. This will scare her off." _With any luck Kim would run back to her cabin and not bother Shego for the rest of the trip. That was Shego's theory.

Kim's arms went around Shego, pulling her in tight. Kim's tongue was at Shego's lips, seeking admission, and in shock the green woman's lips parted and Kim's tongue began to explore her mouth.

Shego couldn't remember ever being kissed with such passion. She panicked, and struggled to free herself from the embrace. She finally pushed herself free. "Yeah, leaving now," she croaked and headed for the door. It was the fastest she had moved all day.


	4. The Morning after the Night Before

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

More than one song has this title, I'm referencing a 1910 version.

_The morning after the night before,_  
_Gee-whiz but don't your head feel sore._

**The Morning after the Night Before**

Kim groaned. Her head hurt. She had definitely consumed too much liquor the night before. She had gotten more bombed twice in college, but had told herself she would never make the mistake again. She tried to tell herself she had not broken her vow to herself. Her head didn't hurt as much this time as either of those two occasions. On a scale of zero to ten, with zero feeling absolutely fine and ten wanting to die so the headache would end, she was no worse than a high three or low four. Okay, more of a four. Maybe even a five. Low six perhaps, but definitely not a seven. Trying to evaluate how much her head hurt caused even more pain. Better to try and remember how she got in this condition. Too much drinking. That one was easy. There was a vague memory of kissing Shego... That couldn't be right. Maybe Shego kissed her? That didn't make sense either. Kim tried to think. She was pretty sure that you were more likely to forget things that really happened than to remember things that didn't.

Thinking hurt. Kim decided two aspirin would be in order and tried to stand up. She decided to postpone the aspirin until after throwing up.

Several minutes later Kim sat quietly on the edge of her bed, hoping the aspirin would stay down. She would get dressed and eat breakfast after the tablets worked their magic. She noticed a slip of paper under her cabin door. Moving very slowly she picked it up, unfolded it and read, "Kim, see me at 8:00. Rose."

Kim looked at the clock. It was already eight-ten. She would skip the shower she felt certain she needed and might be only a half hour late, if she were lucky.

"You're late," were the senior agent's first words, spoken far too loudly in Kim's opinion.

"Not feeling great."

"You don't look great. Sick or something else?"

"Something else... Is this the point where I confess I drank too much last night, and discover you already knew that and were seeing if I'd be honest?"

"That's one of the reasons you're here."

"One?"

"You said you planned to do 'in your face' surveillance of Shego. I had imagined that was something different than the scene in the bar last night."

"Scene in the bar?"

"You don't remember?"

"Not really. I think Shego kissed me. I'm not sure."

"The report indicated she might have initiated the kiss, but you appeared to be an enthusiastic participant. My understanding was that you two were not friends, and you were given the assignment of keeping your eyes rather than your lips on her."

"I had too much to drink. I admit that. I think... I think was trying to show her I was an adult. I was in high school the last time we fought and I wanted to show her I wasn't a kid anymore. I wanted to act tough."

"So you acted stupid?"

"Yeah."

"Hopefully you're smart enough to not make that mistake again."

"Oh yeah, the way my head feels now? I can promise I won't end up in this condition again."

"And the other condition?"

"Other condition?"

"The mouth-to-mouth."

"I don't have a clear memory of what happened. We aren't friends. She doesn't like me. My guess is that she was playing with my head – trying to get me confused or something."

"And your response?"

"I'd had too much to drink. I was confused or something."

"Would you like me to give the assignment to another agent? Your first day was not impressive."

"I can do it, I just had a bad first day. A little bit of high school insecurity. I feel I'm the most suited for..." Kim chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"I just imagined you assigning Will Du to watch her, and what he might do if she kissed him."

Rose managed a smile. "How about you keep your nose clean for the rest of the mission so we don't have to find out?"

Kim breathed a sigh of relief as she left the Justice suite to plan her day. She needed to rethink her approach to watching Shego, or maybe just keep her brain in gear and not try to impress her old enemy. But a little breakfast might be a good idea. A little ballast in her stomach, if it weren't a complete mistake, could help. Then a shower and get dressed before looking for Shego. Did she have a good outfit, or did she need to visit the boutique again? Maybe something in green; Shego was right, green did set off Kim's hair. No, green was a bad idea. It would look like she was following Shego's orders.

* * *

In the green woman's cabin Shego stretched. She'd consumed more alcohol than usual, though not as much as Kim, but felt no ill-effects. Her main feeling was one of confusion._ "What the Hell is she doing?"_ The kid was trying to show she was no longer a kid. That was clear. Why was she trying so hard? Kim was the one enemy who had defeated Shego more than once in a fair fight. She had Shego's respect for that. And it also meant Shego was willing to take unfair advantages in a fight. What was this, "realized I'm a lesbian" crap? Was Kim taking a page from Shego's handbook and fighting dirty – trying to get Shego confused and off-balance? Suddenly she wanted Ron to explain his laughter yesterday before hanging up. She didn't have Ron's number. She found the number for his parents without any difficulty.

"Missus Stoppable? I'm sorry for disturbing you so late, but I've known Kim and Ron for years. I happened to run into Kim recently and she didn't have time to say much about Ron, I think she said he was still in college. ... Thank you, that was what Kim meant. But what I'd really like is his number so I can call and– ... Roberta Smith, I had a couple classes with them in high school. He may have never mentioned me. ..." Shego wrote the number down. "Thank you, Missus Stoppable, I really appreciate it."

_"Glad the sucking up is over,"_ Shego thought as the phone rang.

"Yes?"

"Stoppable? You bastard, you hung up on me yesterday!"

"Who is this?"

"How many people did you hang up on yesterday, after Cupcake put them on the phone with you?"

"Shego?"

"Technically it's Alexis Jade for the moment, but Shego is close enough."

"Why did you call me?"

"To find out why you hung up on me."

"You're Shego. I'm Ron Stoppable. I need a reason to hang up?"

"You laughed. You laughed at something I said before you hung up."

Ron's voice took a suspicious edge. "I don't recall. What did you say?"

"I, uh, think I said something like 'would you tell Kim to get off my ass' and you laughed."

"You asked me for help? Why shouldn't I laugh?"

Shego hesitated, "That could make sense, I guess, but Kim said something later in the day and..."

"What did she say?"

"Okay, I'm not making this up. She said that while she was in college she discovered she, I'm gonna say 'liked' girls more than guys."

"She told you that?"

"She was drunk off her ass at the time."

"You got her drunk?"

"She got herself drunk. She's a big girl now."

"That doesn't sound like Kim."

"You're telling me? So, the liking girls thing is just something she said 'cause she was drinking and I should ignore it?"

"No, her getting drunk doesn't sound like Kim."

"She wanted to impress me by showing she could hold her liquor. She flunked."

"Okay, basic competitive nature sounds like Kim. I still don't understand why you called me."

"Are you still an idiot? I told you, she said she likes girls!"

"Okay, she said that. And what's your point? Why do you care?"

"Is it true? Was she playing with my head? Is she trying to get me confused or something?"

Ron laughed, "I'm not going to comment on anything Kim said while drinking. But you calling me up says she did one heck of a job of getting you confused."

"Bastard," Shego snarled. "Tell me if–"

Ron hung up again.

Shego stopped herself before hitting redial. He'd just hang up again, and then block her number. Redial would be a sign of weakness on her part: weak or petty. Shego was neither weak nor petty. And there was the slightest chance in the world she might want to call him back at some point. She didn't want him to block her number on the chance she wanted to call again.

* * *

Kim had finished breakfast and was sipping a cup of coffee as she tried to plan her day when her phone rang. The caller ID identified, "Ron?"

"Hey, how's my favorite redhead?"

"Fine. Ah, you don't call me very often to ask about my health."

"I don't get calls very often saying you were drunk the night before."

"Who told you? Was it Will Du? I'll–"

"It was Shego."

"Shego?"

"Did you give her my number or something?"

"Of course not. At least I don't think so. Last night is, ah..."

"A little hazy on some of the details?"

"Oh yeah."

"She claims you told her you prefer female companionship."

"I did... She called to ask you about that?"

"I couldn't believe you told her that! I mean, it's not exactly a secret, but it's not something you rub people's noses in. I didn't tell her anything. I was evasive and then I hung up on her again."

"She'll love you for that."

"Well, while I'm here and she's there I'm safe."

"True enough."

"KP?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you tell her that? And any idea why she would call me for confirmation?"

"Okay, my memory of last night is less than perfect. She asked why we weren't still a couple and suggested maybe you were gay. I said you weren't... You aren't, are you?"

"Not the last time I checked."

"And I told her you weren't, and then I said I am."

"Kim, you drank too much last night."

"I know. I was there."

"And I still don't get why you were with her. You told me she's not wanted. You didn't explain how that's possible, but if she's not wanted why are you watching her?"

"I told you what I know. You can bet she didn't use magic to clean up her record. She's got to be doing something dirty for somebody, and GJ wants me to keep an eye on her."

"Was drinking with her in the job description."

"No, I kind of ad libbed that. Uh, not sure if I should tell you this."

"Well, you have to tell me after saying that."

"Apparently we kissed last night."

"Apparently?"

"The memory is a little foggy. I think she gave me a kiss and then witnesses say I sort of got carried away."

"Witnesses? You kept your clothes on, didn't you? Please tell me you kept your clothes on!"

"Ron," Kim blushed. "We were in the lounge and I'd had too much to drink, and I wasn't thinking, and she started it, and, and..."

"And now Shego is calling me to see what is going on. Hey, if you were trying to confuse her – it worked."

"Thanks loads. I've got a hangover. My supervisor chewed me out for inappropriate behavior. And now you're telling me I messed up."

"I never said that. Those are the voices in your own head."

"You... Okay, you didn't. Sorry to drag you in."

"No problem. It's what best friends are for."

"Thanks for being careful when you talked with her, but, yeah, I told her."

"Okay. Well, good luck."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Whatever you want it to mean."

Kim's headache did not allow her to speculate on any hidden meaning in Ron's words. Besides, it was time to head back to her cabin and prepare to face the day and Shego. She detoured by way of the boutique. _"I'm not trying to impress Shego. After seeing other passengers were wearing I need a couple more outfits to help me blend in."_ She worried that she might end up spending her entire salary for the mission on cruise wear.

Kim carefully removed the tags before venturing forth. It was almost noon before she found Shego near her previous spot at the pool. Kim opted for a chair at a short distance. She had a clear view of the green woman, but wasn't close enough for conversation. She had also picked up a book she almost wanted to read, the best of a number of poor choices available. The good news about a bad book was that she didn't get so engrossed she forgot to watch her target. The bad news about a bad book is that when she looked back at the page she forgot where she was and found herself rereading pages multiple times.

The rookie agent was not having a good day. Between the headache, making a fool of herself the night before, and being chewed out by her supervisor she felt confident things could not get worse. At half past noon Will Du sat in the empty deck chair beside her.

"Agent Pos–, Kim, I wonder if you might perhaps be correct."

"What are you talking about?"

"You suggested that someone might harbor some sort of grudge against me."

"Yes," Kim said slowly. "Why? Did something happen?"

"You didn't hear? Someone switched the number plate on my cabin door. I tried to get in to the cabin I believed to be... And the woman called security."

"Ouch. Sorry."

"If there is an attempt to recruit you for some sort of practical joke–"

"I won't accept the offer."

"I was hoping you might inform me as to whom made–"

"I'm sure the fact we know each other will keep whoever is behind it from asking me," Kim lied.

"I wish I knew what caused this animosity."

Kim said nothing.

"Oh, I heard that my apprehension concerning your assignment to this mission was warranted."

"Excuse me?" Kim asked coldly.

"Your behavior yesterday. I believe you–"

"Pardon me, but I'm working now and don't have time for this. Why don't you go try and find who switched the number on your cabin?"

"But–"

"Now. I'm busy." She gave a fast glance in Shego's direction, it appeared the green woman was gathering her belongings, probably before heading for lunch. Kim could have said more. She wanted to say more. But telling Agent Du that he needed a total personality transplant if he wanted the pranking to end – no matter how much she wanted to say it, and no matter how true – was probably not a good idea. Kim wondered about the security for the goat yoga livestock. Was there any way she might 'borrow' one and put it in Will's cabin?

Will Du had managed to make the day worse. Kim followed Shego to the small Mexican restaurant onboard. Kim made no attempt to talk with Shego. Shego knew Kim was following her, but was grateful for the redhead's distance and silence; still trying to process the events of the previous evening.

_"Too much time hanging out with Ron,"_ Kim thought as she ate her carne asada, _"I like Bueno Nacho better than real Mexican cooking."_ It would have brightened her day to call him and share the revelation, but the time difference meant he could be sleeping. Thinking about Ron provided the impetus for her to finally speak to Shego as they exited the restaurant. "Ron said you called him."

"He called you to tell you he hung up on me again? Better warn him that doing it a third time is bad for his health."

"I had a question about the call."

"He probably already told you everything we talked about."

"We were curious how you got his number... I, uh, didn't give it to you last night. At least I don't remember giving it to you."

"How much do you remember?"

"I think I remember everything, but some parts are kind of fuzzy."

"What do you... Never mind. No, you didn't give me his number. I wanted to know why he hung up on me, so I called his parents and charmed the number out of them."

Kim raised an eyebrow, "And you can be oh, so charming when you want to be."

Shego appeared nervous, "I don't know what your game is, Pumpkin. But I appreciated you keeping your distance just now. How about we keep our personal space that size?"

"I'll consider it. If you help me with my suntan lotion."

"What part of personal space do you not understand?"

"Look, with my fair skin I need to keep the SPF effective. As pale as you are, aren't you worried about burning? Tell you what, you do my back – I'll do yours."

Shego gnawed her lower lip and thought for a second. "And you'll back off for the rest of the day?"

"Afternoon."

"Day."

"Afternoon. Take it or leave it."

"Afternoon lasts until six."

"Over at four."

"Four! That's still mid-afternoon."

"Five, final offer."

"Five-thirty or no deal."

It was Kim's turn to hesitate. She'd declared five her final offer. Shego had demanded five-thirty. One of them had to blink. "Okay, five-thirty – this time. Next time I want my final offer."

"Next time I may just throw you off the side of the ship."

"I offered you a sparring session. Want to find out if you still could?"

Back near the pool Shego gingerly applied sunblock to Kim's back. "Finished," she declared.

"Now your turn." Kim spent more time rubbing the lotion onto the pale woman.

"What are you doing?"

"Sunblock, remember?"

"I mean the whole 'you like girls' thing."

"I was being honest with you."

"Like you were honest about the outfit yesterday?"

Kim remained silent for a minute. "Shego?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you kiss me last night? I'm pretty sure you kissed me last night."

"To prove you were a liar."

"To prove... What are you talking about?"

"I was calling your bluff."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Did you? Did you prove I was a liar? I'm told my response was, uh, enthusiastic."

"You don't remember?"

"Not exactly. Hope that doesn't hurt your feelings. I kind of remember... I remember liking... You kiss..."

"How 'bout we keep this professional? Global Justice agent Kim Possible maintains her overly paranoid surveillance of innocent cruise passenger Alex Jade?"

"There is no innocent Alexis Jade, just Shego running something. Want to tell me about that monitoring device on your wrist? How many functions does it have? Any chance there's a GPS chip in there so your current boss can monitor you? Does he get to listen in to this conversation?"

"It's just a watch, and phone, and fitness monitor."

"You can get those in something a third the size."

"Early model."

"You're wearing an old prototype instead of the latest model?"

"Early model of the new style. Stylishly blocky - it's the retro look. Don't you follow fashion at all?"

"I fear you've left the price tag on your new hat."

"Are you suggesting I'm lying?"

"No suggestion about it, I'm waving a red banner saying, 'Pants on fire'."

"Fortunately I have until five-thirty to come up with a suitable retort. My back is done, now out of my face."

"But-"

"You used to play by the rules."

"Fine," grumbled Kim and moved away, to return to her own novel. At least Kim intended to resume reading. She spent so much time watching Shego that Kim made little progress in reading. But if Shego made another lame claim that the device offered only limited functions Kim was ready to quiz her on why she consulted it so often.

Kim caught herself consulting her own watch often, waiting until she could talk with Shego again.

Shego relished the time away from Kim, but knew there was no way to really keep the redhead at a distance for long. _"I could try eating a ton of garlic... No, that's for vampires... It might work."_ Another option presented itself: using Kim. If Kim was going to watch her regardless of what Shego did then at least the former cheerleader could make herself useful. _"But she might get suspicious,"_ Shego told herself. _"She's already suspicious,"_ came the counter-argument. Tomorrow would be the first port of call, Bergen. Theory said there should be no problems of any kind. Nothing would happen. Nothing _should_ happen. But just in case unknown players in the drama didn't know the plot or wanted to improvise their role it might be nice to have Kim on her back. _"I did not just say I wanted Kim on my back,"_ Shego told herself.


	5. When Sailing over Oceans Wide

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

In Gilbert and Sullivan's Ruddigore the characters Ruthven Murgatroyd (currently in disguise as honest farmer Robin Oakapple – in an effort to avoid the family curse) and Richard Dauntless (a sailor and boastful twit) have a song with object of desire Rose Maybud. The message of the song is love can be confusing.

_In sailing o'er life's ocean wide _  
_No doubt the heart should be your guide; _  
_But it is awkward when you find _  
_A heart that does not know its mind!_

**When Sailing over Oceans Wide**

Kim limited herself to one purple haze that evening, following Shego's example. By unspoken agreement they stayed for the live entertainment, under the assumption that there was less chance of a repeat of the previous night's scene there. However, they sat at a small table to the rear of the auditorium where a low conversation was possible.

"So, Bergen tomorrow," Shego pointed out. "Going into town or staying on the ship?"

Kim hesitated, "I, uh, haven't decided. What are you going to do?"

"Tell me, Pumpkin, if I go into town will you follow me, or is your duty restricted to only annoying me on the ship?"

"I'm not sure."

"I could have already stolen what I need at one in the morning while you were asleep. Maybe I'm going to pass it off to someone in town. Maybe someone in town will give me a bomb to plant on board. I definitely think you should watch me in town."

Kim smiled, "You're asking me to go along with you tomorrow?"

"No, I'm suggesting you should tail me. Keep a record of who I talk with. Make a note on anything I buy, and where I buy it. Run a background check on any store I visit. Try and see if anyone is following me."

"Why would anyone be following you?"

"Why do you ask about that?"

"Because you asked me to check if anyone was following you."

"I gave you a list of shit to do! Why that and not the other things I said?"

"Because it doesn't fit. You know if I'm watching you I'll see who you talk with, or what you buy. You're afraid someone might be following you."

"Maybe I'm a raving paranoid. Have you considered that?"

"Nope. I mean, if you aren't a raving paranoid you probably should be. There might be a hundred people on board who think you should be arrested. But I think you're worried that someone might be following you."

"Besides you, you mean?"

"You know I'm following you."

"Okay, how about this is a clever ploy to get you to back off for a day while I wander charming streets and poke my nose into quaint shops?"

Kim chewed her lower lip for a minute, then shrugged. "Maybe my duty is only to watch you while you're on board. I'll check with my supervisor. Maybe I can stay on board and let you enjoy Bergen by yourself."

"Remind him I'm dangerous. You don't know what I might be up to while I'm in town."

"Her. My supervisor is a her. But my duty is probably limited to what you'll do on the ship."

"That's a callous attitude."

"It's a realistic attitude. I can't be with you twenty-four seven," Kim gave Shego an exaggerated wink, "unless you want me to be. So I'll watch you as assigned and won't worry about what you do the rest of the time. I'm sure you don't want to mess up your status on not being wanted."

Shego forced a smile, "So, my ploy worked? I'll be free of you for a day?"

Kim felt like she'd been backed into a corner again. "Care to tell me why you might have someone following you?"

"Well, I've made a number of enemies over the years."

"Most of whom have the good sense to simply stay away from you."

"Like you?"

"Ugly job, but somebody's got to do it. Back to your current crisis, who might be following you?"

Shego shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe I am being paranoid. If there is anyone... I deserve more than one."

"That assumes an attack. If you have someone who wants to keep tabs on you it only takes one."

"True."

"So, are you worried about one person following you – or a gang? Being followed, or being attacked?"

"If I knew the future I wouldn't need you. Hell, I don't know the future, and I still don't need you. How about we just forget the whole thing?"

"Because you wanted my help. Is it the Canadian? The Canadian who was hitting on you? Worried about him following you?"

"Sure," chuckled Shego. "Why don't you see if he's following me?"

"Fine. Now, about my payment. I-"

"Payment! You want payment? You used to save the world for free! Now you want-"

"I didn't exactly save the world for free," explained Kim. "People owed me favors. I'd need a ride and Wade would-"

"You're not riding me," Shego muttered.

"That was an example. Tomorrow evening, back on board after a day in town, you'll be civil to me and we'll watch the show."

"Civil to you? That's it?"

"I'm hoping you remember how."

"I know how to be civil, there just aren't a lot of people who deserve it. What if we both think the show stinks tomorrow night? What if you think the show stinks tomorrow night?."

"We could drink too much and make out again," suggested Kim.

"We didn't make out. I was calling your bluff."

"That's your story. I don't remember too clearly what I was doing... People said it looked like I enjoyed it."

"Who's your supervisor? Can I complain of sexual harassment?"

"You were the one who asked what the options were if we didn't like the show. I gave you one. I've suggested going to a gym and finding out if you're still a match for me. Looking for an excuse to get your hands on me again?"

"Looking for an excuse to kick your ass."

"Want to set up a time to try? Before or after I help keep you safe in Bergen?"

Shego stood up, "Stay on the ship tomorrow. See if I care. I'm going to bed. Don't offer to come with me." _"What in the hell is she doing? No way is she staying on the ship. She'll tail me tomorrow."_

Shego took a deep breath and flopped down on her bunk. _"What am I going to do about Possible?"_ The redhead was making life difficult. They were enemies. Kim was flirting with her. On one level Shego didn't mind someone paying attention to her, telling her she was attractive. It felt wrong for Kim to be doing it, it had to be fake. There were plenty of other people on the ship. _"Is it safe to flirt with any of them?"_ Shego wondered. Anyone who initiated contact with her might be a potential danger. Anyone she tried to flirt with might turn out to be a security or intelligence agent. While it might not really matter, since she currently was not wanted for any crimes, Shego still felt hesitant about initiating a flirtation with someone in law enforcement. On one hand, the fact the ship was loaded with them made Shego feel safer and why the cruise had been chosen, on the other hand she also felt it constrained her options for a shipboard romance. _"Too many damn other hands. It is nice to have someone to hang with... Just wish I knew what her game is."_

Shego took out her phone. One person might know Kim's game.

"Hello?"

"Stoppable? Me again. And–"

"Me? Shego?"

"Yeah. Hey, I'm willing to forgive you for hanging up on me, twice. Normally I'd be threatening to chop you into small pieces and feed you to wiener-dogs for a stunt like that, but I want you know I'm a reformed woman. I know we've had our differences in the past, but I can overlook that and–"

"What do you want?

"What do I want? What makes you think I want anything?"

"You're not calling me just to chat. It's some question about Kim, right?"

"Well, as long as you mentioned Kim. I mean, you brought her up, not me–"

"Don't take this personally, but can the crap, Shego. You called to ask me about Kim. Yes or no. Be honest or it's hangup number three."

"Fine. Has Kim changed?"

"What are you talking about? Kim discovered she preferred gals to guys. Yes. It really happened. I told you that."

"Not that. I'm not sure how to ask this... Does Kim cheat?"

"Cheat? Cheat on a lover? I don't think she has a girlfriend right now. Why? You interested? I'll warn you – she's pretty high maintenance."

"That isn't what I meant. I'm talking about fighting. She... Both of you were honest. Hey, we were enemies. We got in each other's way, we tried to knock the other person out of the fight, right?"

"Yes," agreed Ron, slowly. "Still not getting your point."

"She's playing with my head. I don't like it. Technically I'm not wanted. Strictly legal? Let's not go there. I'm not wanted. Is she screwing with my head because she isn't allowed to punch me? Is this some kind of revenge thing – teasing me?"

"Playing with your head? Teasing?"

"Yeah. You know, flirting. It's..."

"You kissed her a couple days ago."

"That was different! I was proving she was lying. I, uh, was trying to prove it anyway."

"And what did you find out?"

"Hell if I know. She was drunk. I wasn't expecting her to kiss back, that's for sure."

"So, you interested in her? There was a rumor you're bi."

"Don't believe every rumor you... Okay. It's true. So what? She's Kim Possible. I'm currently Alexis Jade, but–"

"Alexis Jade isn't wanted for anything. Maybe Kim is interested in her."

"Follow your own advice, Stoppable. Can the crap. Kim Possible and Shego are enemies. Everyone knows it. And I don't think she's so stupid she doesn't know what she's doing. Is she trying to screw up my head? Is this some kind of revenge for all the times I beat her? Does she resent watching me and figures she may as well put me through hell and as long as she's stuck with an assignment she fucking hates?"

"You didn't beat her all that–"

"Who beat her more? And you aren't answering my question."

There was a pause. "Okay, you beat her more than anyone else she ever fought, but she beat–"

"Can we get back to the questions on the table?"

"And I've got no answer for you. I don't know. Why don't you ask her?"

"I'll ask you a hypothetical. You think someone is screwing your head. Alice, her name is Alice. Now, if you think she's screwing with your head or trying to do you dirt, do you go up to her and ask, 'Say, Alice, are you fucking with me?'. Would you trust anything she said?"

"If you're going to put it that way, no. Sorry, Shego. I've got no idea what Kim is thinking. I can't believe she'd try to mess with anyone's head. That just isn't Kim. Hope you don't take this wrong, but I can't imagine Kim flirting with you either. Doesn't make sense."

"I know. But she is."

"I'm going to say something, and you're free to hang up on me. Any chance you're being paranoid? Could Kim just be 'Hey, this is my job, let's not fight' and not really flirting – but you're reading more into it than's really there?"

"You saying I'm crazy?"

"Didn't use the C-word. Just saying maybe you're so used to seeing Kim as the enemy that you don't know how to deal with Kim just being Kim."

Shego hesitated, "Nice try. I don't believe you, but nice try. I hear what she's saying, and it's flirting. But she wouldn't flirt with me, so it has to be she's fucking with my head. Yeah, that's it. I really needed to talk this out with someone who knows Kim to figure it out. Hey, thanks for listening. Really."

"No problem. But I can't believe Kim is trying to mess you up. I still think you should try talking to her."

"Like you'd talk to Alice Hypothetical?"

"I trust KP to tell me the truth."

"Well I don't. But, like I said, thanks for listening."

"And like I said, no problem. You get it figured out – feel free to call again."

_"That resolved squat,"_ Shego thought as she hung up. _"I should have known he'd take her side."_ Had he taken her side? Okay, maybe not. He was out of the loop with Kim. Maybe he still saw her as the high school cheerleader who believed good would triumph over evil because it's nicer. That was not the Kim Possible facing Shego now. The game had been changed, and Shego didn't know the name or rules for this new game.

Kim glanced at caller ID before answering her phone. "Hey, Ron, wassup?"

"You somewhere where you can talk?"

"I'm talking now."

"I mean, for a private conversation."

"Oh, sounds serious. Is she late?"

"Late? What are you–"

"Sorry. I shouldn't joke. What's up?"

"Shego called me."

"Again?"

"Yeah, she asked for help. I get the feeling she's kind of scared."

"You're not making sense. Shego isn't afraid of anything. And why would she call you? If she needs help I'm right here. I could–"

"I think she's scared of you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Are you trying to mess up her head? I mean if you're trying to confuse her you're doing a heck of a job, but she thinks you're fighting dirty or something."

"Ron, do you remember back in high school when you sometimes weren't paying attention and had no idea what was going on?"

"Uh, right this minute I've got no idea what you're talking about."

"That's how I feel now. Shego called you for help, and accused me of fighting dirty?"

"Yeah. She she felt like you were playing with her head. She said you were flirting with her."

"Me? Flirting with her? Kim Possible and..."

"Are you?"

"Of course not, I... I don't know, maybe... I mean... Ron, do you remember the first time you saw a picture of Shego?"

"No."

"I do. You growled and made some comment about how hot she was. Ring any bells."

"No. How many years ago was that? Makes sense, I guess. She is hot. What did you do, give me a dope slap?"

"I thought about it. It's just that, when I saw her a couple days ago, that was kind of my reaction. At first I think I just wanted her to recognize I'm not a kid any more, I'm an adult now and... I wasn't trying to arrest her, or stop one of Drakken's lame plans, I was just seeing her for the first time in years and... And she is hot."

"So you've been flirting with her?"

"Yes."

"And do you see why that scares her, why she thinks you're playing with her head?"

"She doesn't have any charges against her right now!"

"But she's still Shego, and you're still Kim Possible."

"Intellectually I know you're right. But... But it's so much fun!"

"KP, I love you, so don't take this the wrong way, are you friggin' crazy? Now, let me step back from that. Playing with someone's emotions is not good. Do you really believe that Kim Possible could possibly be interested in Shego?"

"When did you get so smart?"

"After nearly flunking out freshman year. Mom and dad said grow up if I wanted them to pay for college. Grow up or get a job. So, here I am in grad school. And you're avoiding the question. Are you really interested in Shego?"

"And I really don't know. It's like, I've known her for years. I like the banter back and forth. She's saved my life."

"She's also tried to kill you."

"That was years ago."

"You sound like you're interested in her."

"I might be. Maybe I'm just horny. It's been too long. Maybe it's just an exciting idea – me and Shego? Maybe it could work, I mean, she knows me. I know her. We–"

"You haven't seen her in years. How well do you know her? Maybe she's married and has two kids!"

"Does she? Did she tell you that?"

"Kim, you sound like you've got a crush. I'm telling you that sounds like a bad idea. I'm going to pretend for a minute you're in your right mind. You sound like you don't know what you feel at the moment. But you need to realize you're scaring her. You need to cool it."

"She kissed me first!"

"She was trying to show... It doesn't matter. If you're not really interested in her, you need to cool it. If you are really interested in her you still need to cool it."

"But–"

"Back off and try to get the relationship to grow – if that's what you're hoping for. And just back off if you aren't interested; Kim Possible plays fair."

"And if I don't know what I want?"

"Same advice, back off if you don't know what you want. It sounds like your hormones may be in charge at the moment. That isn't you. Back off. Think about what you're doing. Decide what you want. Don't scare her. Uh, Kim?"

"Yes."

"I'm not used to giving you advice. Good advice anyway. I mean, I think I've done it before. But you never listened to me."

Kim laughed, "Suggesting I order a triple chalupa grande, so you could eat half of it didn't count as good advice. But you're right. Thanks, for... What if I decide I want to try a relationship? How do I–"

"Slow down. Take a deep breath. It's the hormones talking again. Backing her against a wall and starting to kiss her could get you arrested for harassment."

"I suppose getting her drunk and taking advantage of her would be wrong too."

"I hear you're still a lightweight when it comes to drinking, so better not."

"Oh, I have a story about Will Du and drinking," giggled Kim, and told Ron the tale of the yoga goats.


	6. Trouble

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Trouble, from Cage the Elephant's album Tell Me I'm Pretty.

_Trouble on my left, trouble on my right_  
_I've been facing trouble almost all my life_

**Trouble**

"You look like Lara Croft," commented Shego as Kim found her at the breakfast buffet the next morning.

Kim, in khaki shorts and olive drab top, didn't respond to the comment. She spread a napkin on her lap, but before tasting any food, "Ron called me an idiot."

"Huh?"

"He called me, said you called him to complain about my behavior. He took your side, said I was behaving badly."

"Ron Stoppable?"

"You remember him, don't you? Blond guy, freckles, about your height? You talked with him on the phone last night?"

"Oh, that Ron Stoppable. He called you? I'm not clear on this 'he took my side' thing."

"You called him to complain about me?"

"Not really. Well, sort of – yeah."

"He agreed I was acting badly. I'm sorry. Look, I'll have your back if you want today or just let you look around Bergen by yourself and stay on the ship – your choice."

Shego looked suspicious, "Did he tell you about Alice Hypothetical?"

"Who?"

"Someone he doesn't trust."

"No, he–"

"Never mind. Doesn't matter. Are you going to demand some kind of payment?"

"No strings attached. But, you think my job is watching you. So you shouldn't be surprised if I am when you're back. I'd like to have a drink with you and hear about your day, but I'll keep a little distance tonight if you prefer – give you a break."

"But still be watching me from a distance."

"You claim it's my job."

Shego hesitated a moment, "Maybe we'll have a drink together. Maybe you have to stay behind your potted plant. Let me see how I feel tonight."

"Do you want me to watch to see if anyone tails you today or not?"

"Pretty sure there shouldn't be anyone, but in case anyone didn't get the memo I'd like a warning."

Kim desperately wanted to ask if Shego's comment no one should be tailing her today meant that later in the cruise she might be expecting a follower or attacker, but she kept her mouth shut.

They weren't together in the throng of passengers waiting to disembark. As planned, Shego tried a couple basic tricks to expose a follower, walking down one street for a couple blocks and then doubling back as if she had gone in the wrong direction. Kim had remained in a fairly open area and watched to see if Shego's tactic exposed anyone following the green woman. It appeared there was no follower, but the sheer number of passengers at the moment made it impossible to be certain. Kim kept her distance and continued to shadow Shego.

At lunch Shego tried to give no sign she was aware of Kim on the other side of the small restaurant. Kim had given her no sign of seeing anything suspicious. Shego felt like she was being followed. She was being followed, by Kim, and she knew it. _"Is that why my Spidey sense is tingling?"_ she asked herself. Maybe she should ask Kim to join her for the afternoon, would she still feel like she was being tailed? _"She's Kim Possible, I will not ask her to shop with me. She apologized this morning. That could be a trick, to lull me into thinking... Who knows what Kim is trying to do."_ On the other hand, she wanted an opinion on a scarf she'd seen that morning.

Shego stood right by the exit.

Kim hesitated, not sure what to do after paying her bill. She was trying to give Shego space, the way she had promised. But with Shego standing at the exit Kim would be forced to invade the older woman's zone. But she couldn't just stand there forever, she needed to leave. Maybe it would be okay to pass by Shego and find someplace to stop and wait for Shego to decide where she was going and start moving again.

"Say, are you Kim Possible?" Shego asked as Kim walked by.

"Uh, yes," Kim answered.

"Here alone, or with someone?"

"I'm, ah, here alone."

"Look, I hate to bother you, but I'm wanting another woman's opinion on something I saw this morning."

"I don't–"

"It was a scarf."

"You want my opinion on a–"

"A scarf, right. If you have a minute I'd like to hear what you think. Please?"

Kim hesitated, then smiled. "Sure. I'd love to. Maybe there's something there I'd like too." Kim almost tried to link arms with Shego for the walk back, but fought the urge. She remembered standing in a leather goods shop and waiting while Shego was looking at scarves. There had been some pretty ones in the shop. But it wasn't the scarves that made Kim feel so happy, it was Shego asking her to go with her to shop.

They spent an hour looking at scarves. They didn't plan on spending so long, but they enjoyed their time together.

"This is the one I wanted an opinion on," Shego said as soon as she found it.

Kim ordered Shego to wrap it around her throat, looked it over critically, had the older woman turn. Kim rearranged the scarf slightly, and ordered Shego to turn again. "Buy it," was Kim's opinion.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Thanks I'll pay for this and–"

"Don't be in such a hurry. I saw something else for you... And I want to look at something. Can I get your opinion?"

_"I will not get this for myself,"_ Kim thought when Shego handed her a green scarf to try. _"Shego will think she can tell me what to do."_

"It's you," Shego told her. "Love the contrast with your hair."

_"I getting this because it is a great scarf,"_ Kim told herself as she folded it up. _"Not because green is Shego's color."_

When they were done at the shop Kim had three scarves to purchase, Shego two. Shego raised an eyebrow at the number Kim wanted.

"One's for my mom," Kim explained. "This one's for Ron."

"Not sure how he'll look in it."

"He'll pay me back, then give it to his mom. He's lousy at picking out gifts."

Kim took Shego to the leather goods shop where she had waited while the green woman had first looked at scarves. Shego purchased a small wallet for organizing credit cards. Nothing was said, but they remained together for the rest of the afternoon. Had anyone been following Shego they would have been too busy laughing and talking to notice the surveillance. Fortunately no one was following either of them.

"Wear the scarf to dinner tonight," Shego ordered as they returned to the ship.

Kim almost said 'no' from force of habit. "I look good in it?" Kim managed after a few seconds' pause.

"You look great in it," Shego assured her.

Shego mentally kicked herself all the way back to her own cabin. "_Do not compliment Alice Hypothetical,"_ she reminded herself. _"She is Kim Possible, and she's just watching me because it's her job."_

She caught herself taking more time than usual with her makeup before dinner, and delivered another mental kick to herself.

At the same time, it felt wonderful when Kim stared and said, "Wow! You look great!" when they met for dinner.

"This old face? I've had it for years."

After they began eating Shego noticed, "Got a woman staring at us," she whispered.

_"Probably jealous."_ "Where?"

"Nine o'clock. Two shades of blue and some brown."

Kim looked left and her heart sank. It was Rose Gardner, sitting by Will Du, who was speaking with her in an animated fashion. The mission leader did not look happy. Kim wondered which was causing Rose greater distress – seeing Kim seated by Shego or having to endure Will Du's complaints. The combination of both was probably hell.

"What are you doing?" hissed Shego as Kim pushed back from the table.

"Inviting her to come over. Old friend," Kim explained as she walked away.

"Is she..." Shego began, then fell silent – unwilling to shout the question across the dining room. _"Probably another Global Justice agent. Didn't Kim say the mission leader was a woman? No fucking way."_

Will actually managed to fall silent for a moment as Kim approached, giving Kim the opportunity to extend an invitation to Rose Gardner, "Would you care to join Ms. Jade and me for dinner? Unless you need Will's report."

Rose glared at Kim, torn between anger at Kim for unprofessional conduct and gratitude for being offered a chance to escape. "Thank you. I've been curious about this Ms. Jade."

"But–" protested Will.

"I'll call a meeting of Justice agents and lecture them about treating fellow agents with respect," she promised.

"I warned you about this," Rose whispered as she walked back to the table where Shego waited.

"I thought you just meant don't get drunk and make out," replied Kim in her own whisper.

"You know that–" began Rose, but stopped as Kim made introductions.

"Alexis Jade, this is Rose Gardner, a friend. Rose, I've known Alexis for years."

"And what an amazing coincidence that Kim and I should run into each other on the cruise," Shego commented dryly. "Does Kim know you from work?"

"From work?"

"Oh, she works for Global Justice. I followed Kim's career from a distance for years. I used to be an international criminal, and Kim and I fought all the time. I heard she joined Global Justice after graduating from college."

"Very interesting. _Used_ to be a criminal you say?"

"Oh, some people still think I am. I'm certain that's why Global Justice assigned her to monitor me on the cruise." Shego's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, "The ship is crawling with security agents."

"And you were asking if I was one?"

"So rude. I'm sorry. One should never ask someone if they're a security agent."

"Apparently Ms Possible felt free to tell you."

"No, I told you, I already knew she worked for Justice. She almost tried to deny it, but she's too honest. I mean, really? A security agent who tells the truth? Unbelievable. My brain wasn't working for a moment. If you worked for Justice – which you don't, of course – I was going to assure you Kim was thoroughly professional in monitoring me today and keeping me from doing evil."

"Very interesting, Ms. Jade, but–"

"Call me Shego, everyone does."

"Very well, Shego. I hear Kim's behavior was much less than professional a couple nights ago."

Shego shrugged, "Old friends meeting again after years? Kim did get a little too celebratory. I hear she really got called on the carpet for it. She says her supervisor is a real bitch who–"

"I did not say that," protested Kim.

"I'm sure Ms Jade is embroidering the story for dramatic effect," Rose told Kim. "Perhaps she even imagines I work for this Global Justice agency and would rise to the bait and admit it if you insulted her supervisor. Or maybe she hoped to get you in trouble. She said the two of you used to be enemies? You seem terribly chummy just now."

Shego leaned back on her chair and laughed. Straightening up she addressed Rose, "I like you. Stay with us for dinner? It'll help Kim stay sober."

"She had invited me to join you." She looked back at Will Du, fuming at her former table. "Thank you, I think I will."

As they finished dinner Rose commented, "So, Shego, you say Kim was assigned to watch you because you're considered dangerous?"

"Well, she won't admit it, but she won't deny it either. Since I know she's a Global Justice agent I knew she had to be assigned to watch me. She'd avoid me if it weren't for orders."

"She seems to be keeping a close eye on you, a _very_ close eye."

Kim blushed.

"Oh, she's an amazingly dedicated agent. I know her too well for there to be any way she could stay hidden, so she decided to stay close. But if you worked for Justice, which of course you don't, I'd assure you she won't get drunk again."

"You shouldn't be making promises for her," Rose said, pushing back from the table. She looked at Kim after standing up, "Eight o'clock tomorrow?"

Kim swallowed nervously, "Yes."

Rose left. Kim glared at Shego, "I am in so much trouble now."

"No you're not. She seems like a very smart woman. I assume she's your supervisor."

"If you think that, why did you tell her I said my supervisor was–"

"I'm evil, remember? That's why you're watching me."

"Sure, like that would impress her," muttered Kim, "if she were my supervisor. And what would I tell her tomorrow when I see her, if she were my supervisor?"

"At eight," Shego reminded her. "She said eight for her to chew you out, if she were your supervisor. I would limit myself to one or two drinks tonight, if I were you – which I'm not. And I'd suggest it would probably be a very bad idea for you to flirt with me this evening, if I were me, which I am."

"I thought condemned men were given anything they wanted for their last meal."

"Careful, Pumpkin, sounds like you're offering to eat me."

Kim blushed, "That wasn't what–"

"I know. Now, let's blow this popcorn stand. How about we head for the theater and order drinks before the show? Another option would be the condemned getting roaring drunk, so you can face the music with a hangover that will make the electric chair sound more attractive than living. But I promised the woman, who is not your supervisor, that I'd make sure you didn't get drunk and I'm pretty sure they can't sentence you to the electric chair for messing up surveillance. If you messed up surveillance."

"Did I mess up?"

"Jury is still out on that one. But I'll tell you one thing."

"Yes?"

"I had fun today."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Me too."

"Breakfast tomorrow after you get chewed out, or will you be grounded?"


	7. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

The phone calls to Ron at inappropriate times gave me this chapter title, okay. Chapter title is a song by Artic Monkeys. No character is on drugs in this chapter.

_Now it's three in the morning_  
_And I'm tryna change your mind_  
_Left you multiple missed calls_

**Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High****?**

Kim did not sleep well. She told herself there was no reason she should have slept poorly. She had done nothing wrong. Her job was to watch Shego. She was watching Shego. Okay, it's true she had been thoroughly unprofessional that first night. She wished she could remember Shego's kiss better. _"Put that out of your head. I'm a Global Justice agent and I'm on duty. Shego was just playing with my head."_ Was Shego playing with her head? Shego accused her of playing with the green woman's head. Kim felt certain she wasn't trying to play with Shego's emotions. It just... _"I'm a Global Justice agent on duty. Focus. Global Justice. Doing my job."_ She tried to turn it into a mantra to keep repeating as she prepared for her meeting.

"You don't need to stand at attention," Rose told Kim.

Kim hadn't realized she was at attention. She attempted to relax with limited success.

The mission supervisor glanced at the clock. "You're a little early."

"I'm usually prompt," Kim assured her. "Last time was, uh, I didn't see the note until after eight."

"And you were not in the best of conditions. How do you feel this morning?"

"Fine. I don't get drunk very often. It was completely inexcusable for me to drink that much the first night."

There was a minute of uncomfortable silence. Finally Rose Gardner sighed and pointed to a chair. "Sit down. You're new to Global Justice. I've never worked with you before. I read your file. It's impressive. I get a sense of why Doctor Director speaks so highly of you. And that's why I can't figure out what the hell is going on."

"In reference to..."

"You and Shego. Your file mentions the history you two have. Which is why the kissing, drinking, eating together, and other friendly behavior seems so out-of-character."

"There was just the one kiss. She started it."

"I don't care who started it."

"But you want it to stop. That was what my mom said after she said she didn't care who started it."

"That's what everyone's mother said. And this isn't a joke."

"Sorry."

"I don't want my report to read that Agent Possible fucked up on her first mission by hopping into bed with the woman she was supposed to monitor."

"Shego and I haven't been in bed together."

"The cruise isn't over," Rose snapped. Then took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "And perhaps it isn't any of my business if you do. Theoretically Shego isn't wanted for any crimes. We don't ask agents to be monks or nuns. But it looks bad if you have a fling with the person rated the number one potential danger on the cruise. I want a preliminary report from you."

"When?"

"Now. Having spent the last few days with Shego, do you see any reason to believe she's reformed?"

"I'm not sure what you mean by reformed. I don't believe she has changed much. I do get a sense she likes not being wanted and would like to keep her current status. My suspicion is that she is working for the person or persons who managed to clear up the charges against her."

"So you think she may be planning a crime at their direction?"

"I'm not sure she's planning a crime."

"Please don't tell me you think it's a coincidence she's on this cruise."

"I didn't say that. I have no idea why she's here. One weird idea is she's on this cruise because there are so many security agents."

"Forgive me if that makes no sense."

"She's suspicious about something. She's wearing some sort of monitor that she checks frequently, maybe an alarm in her cabin or luggage. She thought she might be followed yesterday in Bergen and wanted me to watch her back. She also considers the possibility she might be attacked."

The senior agent looked thoughtful. "Interesting theory. I'm not saying I believe it, but it sounds plausible. Of course it doesn't change Shego rating the title of top danger spot on the cruise – it just means it's possible that rather than instigating the danger she may be a magnet attracting violence to herself... Oh, have you considered the possibility she might be a security agent herself, working for one of the non-cooperating nations?"

"I thought about it. My opinion would be unlikely."

"It might explain the charges against her disappearing."

"I didn't say impossible, I said unlikely. Shego is allergic to the discipline I think security personal require."

"I'm not going to ask about your views of discipline and Shego. It might sound kinky," Rose said, appearing more relaxed than she had since the interview started. "Keep monitoring Shego's actions. If you get any more information on what Shego fears, let me know. If you figure out what she's up to, let me know."

"Even if it's innocent?"

"Even if it's innocent. My own instincts tell me to pull you from watching Shego. Your file says you can do it. Doctor Director thinks you can do it, and Will Du says you can't. Those are three powerful reasons to leave you in place... Wait, a couple serious questions, and I want honest answers. You lie to me and–"

"I will tell you the absolute truth," Kim promised hoping Rose wouldn't ask how she felt about Shego.

"Did you put the itching powder in Du's underwear?"

"No."

"Do you know who put the itching powder in Du's underwear."

"No."

"Do you have any idea who is making Du's living hell?"

"No."

"No idea at all?"

"I... I was asked before the cruise started if I might be interested in pranking Will. I said no, and have not talked with that individual on the cruise. I have no evidence that person–"

"Steph, right?"

Kim could not force herself to say yes, but nodded her head in agreement. "I don't _know_ that he did anything! I mean, I thought about– But I didn't! I don't know if Steph–"

"Du can be a pain, and Agent Carlson has a record of bad practical jokes. I don't know which of them is the bigger pain in the ass. Oh, thanks for the rescue last night."

"Was he complaining about me or the itching powder?"

"Yes."

Kim suspected the interview was at an end. She hesitated, "Am I, ah, still watching–"

"I said you're still taking point on watching Ms Jade. As long as she is not breaking any laws I don't care what you do with her, but try and keep it out of the main lounge. If–"

"We're not–"

"I told you, I don't care. As long as she is not breaking any laws and the two of you keep it out of the main lounge. Oh, and watch the drinking. However, if you do discover her plans involve criminal activity you will alert me immediately. In fact, I will require a daily report from you from now on."

"What form would you like for the report?"

"It can be handwritten on a three by five index card. It can be a two sentence voice message left on my phone. I just want one."

"You'll have it."

"Were you meeting Shego for breakfast?"

Kim blushed, "Yes, if that's–"

"Get out," suggested Rose, "she might be waiting."

Shego loitered by the doors to the main dining room. "Glad to see you're walking, Pumpkin."

"Still walking?"

"I thought your ass might be in a sling. Did you get booted off of spying on me?"

"I am not spying on you. Global Justice does not engage in espionage. We are a policing organization of–"

"You say po-ta-toe, I say po-tat-oh."

"No, seriously. This is a security detail and you are considered the biggest threat around."

"And they assigned a junior agent to watch me? I think I should feel insulted. You, however, should see it as a compliment."

"You seem in a disgustingly happy mood this morning."

"And why not. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and Stockholm is our next stop."

"Oh, is Stockholm where you're robbing the bank or whatever evil you're planning?"

"You're not a spy, remember? Or were you lying about that? And I'm an honest woman now."

"Seriously, you seem to be in a better mood. You were worried when you called Ron the–"

"He was lying."

"You were acting scared around me, you called him for reassurance. You seem happy to see me just now."

Shego shrugged, "I did not call Ron for reassurance. And now I'm lulling you into a false sense of security, Acting, just acting like I'm happy to see you. I figure it's the best defense against you."

Kim caught herself before purring something suggestive about Shego surrendering to the inevitable. _"I don't have anything in mind,"_ Kim told herself. _"Watching her is my assignment."_ "You're happy because we had fun together in Bergen yesterday. Admit it."

"Of course not."

"Meaning you had no fun, or meaning you won't admit it?"

"I think I'll ask your Rose Gardner... Is that her real name or some kind of code thing?"

"Her real name, I think."

"Maybe I'll ask her to let me pick out another Justice agent. Think she'd put them in a row for me and let me pick out a cute one?"

"I'm the cutest one on this mission. And I got the highest grade in the class on applying sunscreen."

"I guess I'll keep you then." In the back of her mind a robotic voice from reruns she watched with her father years earlier played, _"Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!"_ She couldn't simply ignore the voice. Instead she argued she was in charge of the situation, _"I've got her game figured out now. She's not interested. She's just playing with my head. I know that, so I won't take it seriously. But we had fun together. I wonder how far..."_ The robotic voice played again, warning of danger. Better not see how far she could carry the teasing. If she remembered Lost in Space correctly the warnings never stopped Will Robinson, and he always should have listened.

Kim and Shego applied sunblock for the other by the pool. Kim showed more restraint than the previous day. Shego spent more time with Kim. Kim sighed. It felt nice. Shego's hands on her back felt very nice. Was it because they were Shego's hands? Was it just hormones like Ron had suggested, and it wouldn't matter whose hands were massaging the lotion into her shoulders?

"I'm done."

"Huh?"

"I finished your shoulders a minute ago. You're just sitting there, staring off at... what?"

"Sorry, thinking."

"Can I ask what you were thinking about?"

Kim blushed, "Nothing."

"You were in deep thought about nothing?"

"Stockholm! I was thinking about Stockholm."

"Lame, Cupcake, lame. If you said Stockholm the first time I might have believed you. So, what were you thinking about that you wouldn't admit to me? Thinking about me?"

"Thinking about Stockholm in relation to you," Kim lied. "We had fun in Bergen. Can we look around Stockholm together? Please?"

"You need permission to watch me? I thought that was your assignment."

"I'm still a little unsure about whether I'm responsible for your behavior for the duration of the cruise or only on board ship."

"So, it's okay for me to raise hell in the city as long as I behave on board?"

"I'm not sure. I could ask."

"Oh, and see if it's okay for you to raise hell in town with me. We could make out again."

"I'm told you ran scared after kissing me. And you called Ron to complain when I flirted with you. How come you're talking about making out with me now? Interested?"

"I, uh... Lulling you into false sense of security, remember?"

"You know, Dear, you and I really need some clear rules. It's not fair for one of us to flirt if the other one can't... And, ah, maybe we should both cool it." _"'Cause I'm likely to take it way too seriously."_

"C'mon, Princess. I've been teasing you as long as I've known you. It was part of our dynamic! You were the straight-arrow little high school kid with the heart of gold who wanted to save the world and I was the suave femme fatale with the sarcastic put down to your simplistic goodness."

"I am not a high school kid anymore. Snark is one thing, flirting is another – it's... It suggests... I, uh–"

"Sounds like we should have sex?"

"Right. You never did that when we fought before."

"Ick. Are you saying I should have suggested sex to a high school kid who was trying to take my head off? That's sick."

"No, and that's my point. I'm saying we keep this professional. My job is to watch you. I watch you. Your job is... Your job is whatever you job is, and you try to do it while I'm watching you. Sarcasm and snark are fine. Flirting is off the table."

"Is it still on the bed?"

"Shego!"

"Sorry. Maybe it would be safer if we declare flirting off limits... By the way, when you applied the sunblock the other day that definitely felt like a come-on."

"Okay, it was. I was out of line." Kim extended her right hand, "We act professionally. Shake on it?"

"Seal it with a kiss?" Shego suggested.

Kim glared. Shego sat back in her chair and laughed. "Sorry, Cupcake." She grew quiet. "Is this as weird for you as it is for me? I'm used to thinking of you as a kid, and I'm used to fighting with you. I'm trying to get my head around treating you like an adult and the fact I don't need to throw a punch at you."

"Sexual orientation. Are you working on my sexual orientation?"

"I don't know what you mean by working on your sexual orientation. That almost sounds like... I'm not sure what that sounds like. How about I concentrate on not hitting you and the fact you're an adult? Like you said, we keep it professional."

"Good. Uh, I had fun with you yesterday. Did you have fun with me?"

Shego's eyes narrowed, "What's your point?"

"Can we act like friends?"

"Act like friends? As in we're just acting and don't really like each other?"

"No! I'm... Okay, this sounds weird, I'm used to trying to stop you from some weird evil of the week. Now I'm having to process the fact I'm having fun with you. I... I think I like you. Friends?"

Shego hesitated. "I have fun with you. But I'll be honest, it's been so long since I called anyone a friend I'm not sure what it means anymore."

"It means we have fun together. We like being around each other. We don't try to hurt each other."

"Can I pencil you as a temporary friend for the trip? If it works out maybe we can draw up the papers and sign a contract to be friends after the cruise."

Kim smiled, "Sounds great." _"Unless I have to stop you from doing something criminal."_

The conversation cleared the air slightly between them. They relaxed and read. Shego continued to check the device on her wrist often, and their surroundings.

"You said you were assigned to watch me," she asked quietly.

"Yes."

"How many others? There're at least four guys watching us. One of them was that guy Rose was with last night."

Kim confirmed, "Will Du. He's a tattle-tale."

"Kind of a childish thing to say."

"It describes his behavior. The other three you see?"

"C'mon, Pumpkin, a real security agent should be able to catch them for herself."

"I mean, I count four or five besides Du who might be watching us. But I'm not sure it means anything. We're the two hottest women here and they might just be sight-seeing... Ah, but you're worried about being followed."

"Four or five? Wait, you said I was regarded at the biggest security risk on board. How many are Justice agents?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you that."

"Your tattle-tale is one."

"He's not looking at you. He's watching me so he can report to my supervisor that I screwed up."

"Rose doesn't like him either."

"I don't know why you think she's my supervisor. And Will is not the most popular agent on board. If we're bored we could try and pull a thorn from his paw."

"You want me to confess I have no idea in the world what you're talking about, don't you?"

"Well, yes."

"Okay. What the Hell?"

"Someone put itching powder in his underwear."

Shego giggled, "I might pull a thorn from a lion's paw – if I were drunk enough. Not enough liquor in the world to get me into a Justice agent's underwear."

Kim caught herself before asking,_ "Not even mine?"_ "Back to the voyeurs. One Justice agent. I won't say which one. There's the Canadian who was hitting on both of us. Maybe his wife doesn't mind if he just looks. I don't recognize the two I'm sure are watching us–"

"So they could be agents from prick nations?"

"Maybe. There's a guy I'm not sure about. He may be watching, but he's being careful if he is."

"Brown shorts, green-and-yellow striped towel?"

"Yes."

"He'd better be careful. I'm guessing it's his wife on the next chair. I'm not counting him with the definites"

"Like I said, we're the hottest women out here. There are some other guys who look us over, but it may just be 'cause we're hot. Oh, and a woman who's stared a bit. She may be jealous."

"Maybe she's interested. If you're really a lesbian you could go over and ask her out."

"I don't hit on every woman I see. Besides, I'm already here with you. I don't want you to be jealous."

"That almost sounds like flirting."

"It wasn't... Okay, close. There were a couple things I didn't say that would have been really suggestive, or I could have pointed out I'm with the hottest babe here."

"Babe? Seriously? Thank God for restraint. Meanwhile, I want to know if we're dealing with gawkers or someone keeping an eye on me."

"How to you propose to find that out?"

"I'm going to get my stuff together and leave."

"If you need to go to the bathroom you could–"

"If I leave my shit they know I'm coming back." Kim had a moment of panic. Was Shego trying to ditch her? Her job was to watch the green woman. "You see what happens with our watchers. You're eye candy all by yourself. Anyone who's just watching will stay here and focus on you. Anyone who leaves to go after me may be someone I need to worry about."

"I'll need to worry about him too."

"If he's tailing me? He's my concern."

"The flirting response, which I won't say, is that I don't need the competition. Serious response is I'm here to stop trouble, and someone coming after you might cause trouble."

As Shego gathered her belongings she assured Kim, "Had you given me the flirting response, which you didn't, I might have told you that you don't have any competition for my attention." She gave Kim a wink as she left the pool area.

Kim found her heart beating faster at Shego's words and wink. _"Get a grip,"_ she told herself. _"Wait! She didn't say when she'd be back. Where are we supposed to meet up?"_ She almost ran after the pale woman. _"Your job is to watch her,"_ a voice in her head argued. The voice of reason cut in, _"She's a trouble magnet. If any of these guys are after her it could be trouble."_

Kim settled back on the lounger. Will Du appeared to lose interest. So much for the theory he had taken Shego surveillance over for himself because he considered Kim incompetent. Probably he wished to see behavior from Kim could report to their superior. The Canadian and another unidentified man continued to watch Kim, and striped-towel, seated by his wife, continued to steal the occasional glance. One watcher left in the direction Shego had taken, allowing just enough time that his leaving might have been a coincidence. Kim wasn't certain, but she might have seen a picture of the man on the out-the-agent bulletin board. "_I need to check. Global Justice isn't the only security agency that would see Shego as a potential risk."_ Another individual Kim had marked as watching them gathered his belongings and moved in Kim's direction.

The slim, dark man asked, "Is your friend coming back? May I join you?" in an accent Kim did not recognize.

_"Great, he's hitting on me."_ "I don't think so," she answered. "I mean, I don't think she's coming back."

"There is a better view of the pool here than where I was," he told her as he sat down.

That was true, but Kim was not sure it was better enough for him to move. The stranger made some idle conversation, but after a minute of innocent questions Kim realized more of them were about Shego than herself. _"Need to look for his picture on the bulletin board too."_ His picture had not been there this morning after talking with Rose. Someone might have added some ID on the stranger.

The brown man stayed less than a quarter of an hour. He noticed that Kim was evasive when he asked about Shego and excused himself. Kim reached for her phone to call Shego. She realized she did not have Shego's number. Fortunately she knew someone who did. She checked her watch. It was too early to call. She called anyway.

"Kim? Why are you calling at... Oh, yeah. You do realize the time here, right?"

"Sorry, Ron. Small emergency. Can you give me Shego's phone number?"

"I don't–"

"Call history. She called you. I need her number from the call history."

"Hold on, I'll try to find it without disconnecting. I'm not awake, I could..."

There was silence. Kim wondered if Ron had accidentally disconnected. After what seemed like a half hour, but was probably less than a minute, Ron gave her the number, and demanded, "Care to tell me what this is about?"

"Oh, I bought a scarf for you the other day."

"You're changing the subject. A scarf for me?"

"Well, a scarf for you to give to your mom for a present. You can pay me back. She'll love it."

"How much was it?"

"I have to do the conversion. It doesn't matter. It's beautiful. Shego and I were in this shop in Bergen and–"

"Bergen? You and Shego were together?"

"Yeah. Anyway, she wanted my opinion on this scarf, and the stuff in the shop was gorgeous! And I saw one your mom–"

"Can we back up. Where is Bergen? You and Shego were on some cruise I thought."

"But we stop places. Bergen is in Norway."

"And you and Shego were shopping together?"

"Not at first. I was watching Shego. I wasn't watching, watching Shego. I was watching to see if anyone was watching Shego and–"

"You're confusing me."

"It's so simple. She's afraid someone might be following her, so she asked–"

"Shego's asking you for help?"

"I know! Isn't it wonderful?"

"I'm not sure that's the word I would have used," Ron muttered.

"And then she wanted my advice on a scarf and–"

"Are you back on the boat?"

"Ship. We're back on the ship. And I think someone is following Shego. Maybe two people and–"

"I don't know why you need her phone number."

"Aren't you paying attention?"

"The problem is not me, KP. At least not this time."

"Well, we were out catching some rays, and several guys were watching us, and–"

"I'm not surprised."

"Neither am I. We were the two hottest ladies at the pool. Anyway, she gathered her stuff and walked off so I could see if anyone followed her, and I've got a couple guys I need to check on now for her."

"Are you working for Global Justice or Shego?"

"I'm working for Global Justice! How can you... Global Justice doesn't want any problems. If someone attacks Shego or something it's a problem. So–"

"Working for Shego is really working for Global Justice?"

"We can debate this later, Ron. Right now I need to call Shego."

Ron started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"This is so weird. Kim Possible is trying to help Shego. And who does she call for Shego's phone number? Ron Stoppable. Which is weirder?"

"I'll get back to you on that. You reminded me I need to talk to the agent in charge too. And you'll love the scarf."

In fact, Kim decided, it might be a good idea to report to Rose Gardner first. And in the Global Justice suite she looked at the out-the-agent board before making her initial report. "There appear to be at least two individuals interested in Shego, besides Global Justice."

"It's probably more than that. I assume you mean exhibiting an active rather than a passive interest. Every security agent on board should have some curiosity about what she's up to.

"True. When she left the pool area a half hour ago it looked like she was trailed by an American agent, Clinton Thienstein. He works for the NSA. A second man attempted to question me about Shego. I don't have his name, he's not on the board out there. Slim, brown skin, an accent I didn't recognize."

"So, no idea who he was?"

"None. Shego mentioned she might be watched, suggested there's even a chance there might be an attack on her."

"Hmm... See if you can get any more information on the second man."

"And I have an ethical question."

"I told you, it's not my concern if you sleep with Shego."

"That wasn't the question," Kim blushed. "Shego asked me to see if anyone followed her. The NSA agent did. I assume I'm not allowed to mention his name or affiliation, correct?"

"Correct. I'm a little surprised you even asked."

"He's not with Justice or a cooperating nation. And I didn't ask as much as I wanted clarification."

"It shouldn't require clarification. The Americans may be as worried about what she's here for as we are. Maybe their Clint Fienstein–"

"Thienstein."

"Thienstein. Maybe he's just their point for making sure she keeps her nose clean. And maybe he's managing it at a distance."

Kim took the comment as a dig at her abilities. "Shego would have seen me! There was no way to do covert surveillance!"

"I'm not arguing with that fact. You're taking the approach you felt your relationship with Shego required. But you will not identify an American agent to Shego. You may tell her you observed two individuals of interest. You will not describe or point out the American. It is professional courtesy... You haven't talked with Shego yet, have you?"

"No. I knew to talk with you first." She slightly resented Rose talking about her relationship with Shego. They weren't in a relationship. _"Yet,"_ Kim thought. _"She just mean an adversarial relationship,"_ she reminded herself.

"Good girl. Be vague on the American. Find out what you can on the second man. Tell me first if it appears he is an agent for a non-cooperating country."

"Uh, Ms. Gardner, I–"

"You can call me Rose, Kim."

"Why did you suggest Shego and I were having sex? I told you–"

The senior agent sighed, "More trouble with Seth Carlson this morning. He has apparently started a pool on when you and Ms Jade will have sex. Should Agent Carlson discover itching powder in his underwear your name will appear at the top of list of possible suspects."

Kim planned to call Shego soon after leaving the Global Justice suite. It wasn't necessary. The green woman was loitering on deck as Kim left.

"Hey, Pumpkin, what did you find out?"

"How did you get here? Did you follow me? I didn't see you."

"I didn't follow you. You security agents are lousy at security. I found a steward and said, 'Hey, I was talking with one of the security agents. Where do the spies hang out?' and he told me."

"And I told you, this isn't about espionage. Global Justice–"

"You don't spy. Ya-da, ya-da, ya-da. Except I asked you to check and see if I was on anyone's radar when I left the pool."

"Well, there was a guy who left soon enough after you that he might–"

"What did he look like?"

"Uh, just this average looking white guy. The second–"

"Average looking white guy? That's the best you can do? Did you flunk your class in description? How tall was he?"

"Average."

"Hair color?"

"Average."

"Build?"

"Average."

"Did you get his eye color."

"Didn't get a look at his eyes."

"But you're guessing they were average?"

"Probably."

"Okay, you're going to be useless on him. What about the other guy?"

Kim described the second man in detail. Shego wondered if Kim would recognize an Thai accent. That would explain why Kim had been unable to identify it. Shego wondered if she could recognize an Thai accent and, for that matter, how many different dialects or even languages might be spoken in Thailand. She probably needed Kim to help identify the man, but would need to find a way to ditch Kim if she wanted to question the man about his interest.

While they were speaking Shego's phone rang. The number shown looked familiar.

"Stoppable?"

"Yes."

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Wondered if Kim found you. She called me earlier for your number and–"

Shego moved beside Kim and turned the camera on for a video call. "Does that answer the question?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You have the phone to your ear?"

"Yeah. I–"

"Put it on speaker and look at the screen. You have a smart phone, right?"

"Of course I do," he assured them.

His image appeared on Shego's phone and Kim and Shego waved to him. Shego left her right arm behind Kim's back, and held up two fingers behind Kim's head, making bunny ears. Kim's left arm remained behind Shego, with her hand in the bunny ears gesture behind Shego's head. Each tried to keep a straight face, sure the other didn't know what she was doing, and each feeling very clever.

Ron sighed, "Does this mean I won't have either of you waking me up now?"

"Of course not," Kim told him. "Shego will call you up to find out what movies I like, or my favorite flowers or something."

"Like I would know."

"She doesn't know what a lousy boyfriend you were. Great best friend forever."

"Thank you for that."

"And I'll call you up to ask what she's saying about me behind my back."

"Why would I know what–"

"You're probably the only person in the world she trusts," Kim assured him.

"Not true, Pumpkin," growled Shego.

"So, who did you call when you wanted to talk about me? It was Ron! He's a wonderful listener."

"And you're lousy at following rules," Shego retorted.

"What are you talking about? I follow the rules," responded Kim.

"Turn around."

"What?"

"I said, turn around. I want to talk with Stoppable behind your back."

Kim giggled, and turned around as ordered.

"We agreed we'd stop the flirting," Shego explained to Ron.

"But she loves it!" Kim said loudly, to insure Ron heard her.

Shego silently mouthed, "I'll call you later," to Ron's image. "You can turn around, Princess. Say good-bye to the nice man and we'll eat lunch."

Kim turned and waved, "Good-bye nice man!"

_"Kim is in so much trouble,"_ Ron thought as the call ended. _"I can pick up her crushing on Shego over the phone and half the world away."_ He wondered briefly it would make sense to try and catch a flight to find Kim and try to reason with her, but feared she wouldn't listen. And then he got distracted, reminding himself they weren't half-way round the world. A quarter-way around the world? It was probably more than a quarter and less than a half. Two-thirds? No, he was pretty sure that two-thirds was more than a half. And why did he have to measure from west to east? When he visited Japan, which really was half-way around the world, he always thought from east to west. Distracted by geographical puzzles he prepared to face the day and gave up thoughts of trying to rescue Kim from Shego's clutches. Or rescuing Shego from Kim's clutches.

By coincidence Kim and Shego went to the ship's Japanese restaurant for lunch. Kim did not point out the average looking white man who arrived some ten minutes later and sat at a distance from them.


	8. No Train to Stockholm

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Search YouTube for "Kim & Shego Caramelldansen" to find Rina Cat's video, with sound. A clearer video on her DeviantArt page lacks audio.

Note to possible Scandinavian readers. I generally follow the chronology of the original shows, so this chapter is set before the Mall of Scandanavia opened in Solna. I did a bit of research before writing the chapter, with Feudor suggesting additional Stockholm details that I've included.

Lee Hazelwood's 1970 video "Cowboy in Sweden" got poor reviews. The soundtrack album fared better. The chapter title song reflecting the choices young men of my age, without the money to pay a doctor for a fake deferment, faced in the Vietnam era: obey the government and go to fight in an unjust war, prison time, or leave the country.

_Saying freedom is where you think it is _  
_But there ain't no train to Stockholm._

**No Train to Stockholm**

The ship arrived at Stockholm late in the evening. Too large to dock, it moored in the basin. Some passengers ferried into town to enjoy cheaper drinks than were available on the cruise ship. Shego and Kim stayed on board and took in the evening show in the main theater. It took Kim a minute to spot Clint Thienstein. She was taking mental notes on how he kept his surveillance low key. She almost wished she had attempted to remain out of sight, wondering if she could have pulled it off. The brown man, if he was still monitoring Shego, managed to do an even better job. Kim could not see him in the audience.

Both women stayed with non-alcoholic drinks. Kim assumed Shego had done so out of empathy. Shego had done so because tomorrow might see the start of danger.

In the green woman's eyes no definite danger existed. Shego assumed Kim's average looking individual was a security agent of some sort, and Kim didn't describe him as a professional courtesy. If any of her past 'indiscretions' were still inside the statute of limitations, and had been discovered, there would be a warrant for her arrest rather than a mere watcher. There was a chance the darker skinned man with the accent meant nothing. There were many countries whose accents Kim might not recognize – and Shego might not be able to recognize them either. And most of them had nothing to do with Shego's current plans or activities.

Shego evaluated the options. The man might have been interested in Shego as an attractive woman, and simply tried to pump Kim for information. While an obvious possibility the fact he hadn't been seen again argued against it. Someone who held an old grudge from something Shego had done years earlier? Not impossible. Another security agent, but one whom Kim did not recognize as a security agent? Kim's willingness to provide details in the description didn't mean he wasn't a security agent – simply one she didn't know. But someone wanting to interfere with her current actions seemed most likely. Shego saw two ways her plans could be messed up. One was her death. And it would tie up many of the loose ends, at least those known to the man behind the scene. He might settle for getting the stolen item back. Thief or assassin? Perhaps both?

Regardless of the man's orders, assuming he was onboard to interfere – and Shego needed to assume he was – Shego would need to ditch Kim for a time in Stockholm. Perhaps, if she were careful and fast, Kim wouldn't even know. Shego would prefer Kim not realize she'd been abandoned.

_"Why do I even care? She's only watching me because it's her assignment,"_ thought Shego._ "She seems sincere... Could be acting... Not that good an actress..."_

"What 'cha thinkin'?"

Startled, Shego asked, "What?"

"What are you thinking? You're staring off into space vacantly. You haven't even consulted your wrist in almost fifteen minutes."

Shego quickly looked at the device on her wrist. Not that it really mattered. If Mister Threat had no clue what was happening he would have tried something already. If Mister T had a clue he was biding his time until after Stockholm. "Just thinking about Stockholm."

"Oh. I'm disappointed. I hoped you were thinking about me."

"Well, how to fit you in with Stockholm."

"Much better. Now, what are you thinking about Stockholm. Have you been there before?"

"No," Shego lied. "First trip. But someone told me about some sort of shopping mall at the Solna train station, and suggested I visit."

"Who gave the recommendation?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Oh, just curious... I, uh, haven't followed you the way you followed me... I was... Never mind."

Shego smiled, Kim was fishing for information on a possible significant other. _"Could she really be... Maybe she's just doing a really good job playing with my head."_ "I don't really remember. Like I said, it doesn't matter."

"And where is Solna? Will there be time to–"

"If I remember the guidebook, it's what we'd call a suburb of Stockholm in the US. I think they call them municipalities here. There's a church that might be see-worthy, some businesses that aren't, and the mall." _"And Stockholm's central post office, where there should be a package waiting for me."_

If everything went right she might be back to the mall in well under twenty minutes, she felt confident she could come up with a good lie to cover the time away.

"Can I go into town with you, or do you want me to check for possible threats?"

"Ummm," mused Shego, pleased that Kim was letting herself be manipulated so easily. "How about we go into town together, catch a train, and... Sometime at the mall we'll do the checking for follower thing. At least I'm pretty sure you said you wanted to go into town with me. Just can't get along without me, can you?"

"Something like that. I... Okay, when I got this assignment it felt so weird, watching you again after all these years. I... It's actually kinda nice to... Sorry. I don't mean to sound so sappy."

"That's okay, Pumpkin. I have some of the same feeling. When I first saw you out on the deck, trying to spy on me, I gave serious thought to pushing you over the rail. But the voice of reason hit me up along-side the head with a cricket bat and warned me that it might screw up my wonderful legal status."

"Any chance I'll get to hear the full version on that?"

"You're not even getting the abridged version. Be honest, would you rather be fighting me right now and hoping you could arrest me, or sitting in a chair and drinking your..."

"Cranberry juice and Seven-Up."

"Drinking your cranberry juice and Seven-Up, and chatting with me while we take in this fairly mediocre show?"

Kim raised her glass as if in toast, and Shego smiled and gently tapped her glass against Kim's. "To no crime," Kim proposed.

"I believe the toast is 'To crime'." Shego reminded her.

"Not in this case. You're staying clean so I never have to chase you to make an arrest again."

Shego winked at Kim, "So... going to chase me for other reasons?"

Kim blushed slightly. "No, I... Maybe. Hey, the rules were we're not supposed to be flirting!"

"I could point out that neither of us is doing especially well at not flirting. Instead I'll point out that there was nothing inherently flirty in what I said. You just took it that way. You have a dirty mind, Cupcake. I like that."

"It was so flirty! And I don't have a dirty mind. I just– You want me to have one? Maybe I could work on it."

"Oh yeah, nothing suggestive in that at all," chuckled Shego.

In the morning they landed at Logårdstrappan.

"C'mon," Kim pleaded. I was looking on-line, the old city... I think they call it Gamla Stan... It's right here! That's where the good stuff is."

"Later, Princess, I want to check out the Solna Centrum."

"And you can't even remember who suggested it to you. Not a high recommendation."

"Hey, you find the way to get us there, and if it's not exciting we can do something else."

Shego, pretending ignorance of the city, let Kim discover the Kungsträdgården they needed to take to Solna. On the metro platform they were the last to enter the train, looking over the other passengers. Kim did not see the American agent. She did not see the American agent she knew. It is possible the US had a rotation of agents watching Shego and Kim didn't recognize the man or woman in the current position. It was also possible that the NSA was only concerned with Shego stealing technology or disrupting meetings related to the conference. If that were the case their interest in the green woman ended when she left the ship.

Shego felt confident she could handle any threat likely to come her way. Of course, part of being prepared to handle any threat is to stay focused. Kim represented something of a distraction. Was it really necessary for Kim to sit so close to her? Not that it felt unpleasant. She might even enjoy some physical contact – other than their traditional fights – in a different situation. _"Get that thought out of your head,"_ Shego told herself. _"Focus."_

The mall was not as impressive as Kim had expected. "There was probably better shopping in Stockholm proper."

"If I can remember who recommended the place should I punch them in the nose, and tell them it was your idea?"

"No, it's– You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking."

"Hey, I'm willing to give the place the once over. You're the one passing judgement. Maybe they've got the greatest chocolate outlet in Sweden, or IKEA gives out free samples of reindeer meat and lingonberry jam."

"Okay, and where shall we–"

"Uh-oh," muttered Shego. "Think I see someone worth... You stay here, I'm going to go that way. I'll go down the hall here, and come back in a minute. See if there's someone on my tail besides you. Someone I don't want on my tail."

"Who–" began Kim, but Shego was gone.

Shego was not back in a minute. She exited onto Huvudstagatan street and ran the couple blocks to the CityMail. She had made it a point to wear comfortable shoes. Thankfully she would not need to stand in line. There was a nervous moment as she found her key – what if the small package wasn't there? There were a lot of miles between Thailand and Sweden, and a lot of hands would have been on the package. But a small, second-class package is often safer than a package insured for a million dollars. She allowed herself a small sigh of relief, shoved it in her purse, closed her PO box, and headed for the exit.

In her haste the brown man pretending to read junk mail he had pulled from a waste bin hardly registered. Solna has the highest percentage of residents not born in Sweden in the entire country. Yes, a brown man had been reading his mail in the Post Office. Duh. Of course you skim through your mail before heading home, no point in hauling the junk mail back.

By amazing coincidence the trip on Huvudstagatan street from Solna Centrum to CityMail is exactly the same distance as the trip on Huvudstagatan street from CityMail to Solna Centrum. _"What was that old... theorem? If A equals B, then B equals A,"_ Her math teacher had insisted they just had to accept the theorems, if that was the term, as true. Shego wasn't entirely sure it was always true, but it did seem to work most of the time. _"Will my story work better if I come in the door I went out, or use this door?" _Shego asked herself as she re-entered the mall. _"And now to find Princess."_

"So, what happened? I was beginning to think you ditched me."

"Ditch you? No way! I was only gone a minute."

Kim consulted her watch, "More like fifteen."

"Well, I was looking for a bank to rob. I'm running a little short on cash. This cruise is expensive."

"Tell me about it, and while you're telling me about it – how about a couple words of truth?"

"You are terribly suspicious, you know that. Can't a girl pick up a hooker for a quickie in the girl's room without–"

"Seriously. You said you thought you saw someone following you. I was worried you were in trouble.

"You were worried about me? Really?"

"Strange as it may sound, yes. I was worried about you."

"Okay. Truth is, I was being overly paranoid. I went for the hunted becoming the hunter route. I shook the guy I thought might be following me, and then started shadowing him. And it turns out he wasn't following us. I caught him looking our way and thought maybe he was watching me. I am now of the opinion he was watching your ass."

"Shego!"

The green woman held up her hands in an, 'I'm just saying,' gesture. "You've got a hot ass, I mean, let's face it."

"And now you're flirting again."

"Not I'm not. Just calling it the way I see it. The way just about everyone sees it – especially in that bathing suit you had on the other day. Now, should I pat you on that wonderfully rounded little bottom, that would be flirting."

"That would be sexual harassment."

"Are you sure," Shego leered. "I thought you might like–"

"Now that's flirting," insisted Kim.

"It... Okay, sorry."

"And I really was worried about you."

"And I'm not sure if that makes me feel happy that you care, or makes me want to suggest a psychological examination of your head. Mostly I feel stupid. I made a mistake. I wasted, like, ten or fifteen minutes for no reason."

"Doesn't matter," Kim giggled and impulsively took Shego's arm and snuggled up against the pale woman. "You came back. What's that saying, 'If you love something, set it free. If they come back they're yours.'?"

"I seem to remember there was another part to that... Do I have any sort of option?"

"Well, it think the other part is, 'if they don't come back, they were never yours'."

"Not the one I remember. The one I remember was, 'If they don't come back, hunt them down and kill them'."

"Well, it doesn't matter. You came back."

"And if you say that makes me yours I may slug you."

"Ron told me my failed relationships were because I can be difficult. You should spend some time with Ron so I can get his opinion of you. You just might be impossible to love."

"Good. I put on redhead repellant this morning and I wasn't sure if it was working. You're really invading my personal space, Princess."

Kim took two exaggerated deep breathes and announced, "I wondered what the smell was, but I was too polite to say anything."

"Clearly I need a stronger version." She extracted her arm from Kim's grip. "Look around the mall? Find the church that's supposed to be worth looking at? Head back to Stockholm proper?"

"Mall for awhile," suggested Kim. "Any idea where the interesting church is?" Shego lied and shook her head 'no'. "Well, we can spend a little time looking for it – and if we find a coffee shop first we stop there. If no kind Swede will give us directions, and we don't find a coffee shop here, we look for a coffee shop in the city proper."

They ate in Solna, before heading to the old city for the rest of the afternoon. Shego felt slightly apprehensive. There was little chance of anyone recognizing her, but Gamla Stan was the location with the highest chance of recognition.

"Shopping!" Kim suggested.

"Uh... How about some culture for a change? Something you'll be proud to tell your mom? I looked on-line too. The Royal Palace and the big cathedral of Stockholm are here. Maybe we can take them in." Shego felt confident she wouldn't run into anyone she knew at a church.

They ate in the city before returning to the ship.

"Show, lounge, or dancing tonight?" Kim asked as they boarded.

"You seem awfully sure I don't want to just curl up in my cabin with a good book and conk out early."

"Just sayin', an invitation for a pretty redhead to do whatever you want with her. You'll take it."

"Take it, or take her? You're stepping over the line again, Pumpkin. Inviting me to do whatever I want? Seriously? That goes way past flirting."

"Well, if it goes past flirting, it doesn't count as flirting."

"Wait, that–"

"Besides, I've decided you're too shy to actually try anything."

"Too shy! What the Hell are you–"

"So I'm letting you off easy. I gave you three choices."

"Four, you offered yourself too."

"Oh yeah," snorted Kim, "only because you're too much of a wimp to take me up on... Sorry. I am getting out of line."

"Thank you for noticing the elephant in the room."

Kim laughed, "They should have elephant yoga as an option. Instead the goat being on you while you do yoga, you do it on top of the elephant."

"I'm feeling good at the moment. How about dancing?"

"Sounds great. See you at the disco in twenty?"

"Make it an hour," Shego countered. "I want to shower and take it easy. Save my strength for the dance floor." _"And make sure the package hasn't been switched, and get things safely hidden."_

"An hour. I shall count the minutes."

"You could count the seconds, and divide by sixty."

"On second thought, I'll just count the hours. One."

They parted, and Kim decided an hour was better than twenty minutes. She hadn't made her daily report to Rose Carlson yet. The senior agent wasn't in her cabin, but had left a note saying she would be in the Italian restaurant if any agent needed to contact her.

Kim made a crisp, and unnecessary, salute on finding Rose. "I was with Alexis Jade most of the day."

"Most of the day?"

"There were a couple bathroom breaks. I also lost her for around twenty minutes. She thought she saw someone watching us, she left me and watched him for awhile – decided he probably wasn't and came back to me."

"Twenty minutes? That might have been time to get in trouble, and use you for an alibi. Any idea if there were any potential targets in the part of Stockholm?"

"We were outside the city proper, in Solna, when it happened. She had suggested it yesterday and I looked it up. The Swedish Institute for Infectious Disease Control is there. Stealing some sort of biological agent doesn't seem like her old style, and I don't think she could have done it in the time available, and I don't think she could have been carrying pathogens with her."

"Good job. I appreciate the update. Will you be continuing your surveillance of our Ms Jade this evening?"

Kim blushed slightly. "Dancing in," Kim checked her watch. "Half an hour. Oh, any luck on the Will Du – Seth Carlson front?"

"I've got another agent watching Carlson, so he is not getting into trouble, at least at the moment. But Du is still in a state of panic and... Kim, you might not believe this, but in better circumstances, Will Du is an effective agent. He can be a little..."

"Anal retentive?"

"Close enough. He can be slightly irritating at times, but he always tries to do the best job he can. Please don't ever interfere with another agent trying to do his or her job."

"I'll do my best. I actually thought about it the other day."

"But you stopped yourself in time?"

"I did."

"Good girl. Now go have fun... But not too much fun."

Kim grinned broadly and left.

Shego was reluctant to actually go out on the dance floor. She preferred to sit to the side. Kim bided her time, and plied Shego with a couple stiff drinks while Kim stuck with cranberry juice and Seven-up.

They were still in Swedish waters, and so it was not surprising when Caramelldansen began playing. Kim grabbed Shego by the arm, "Come on. We're doing this!"

"What? I don't–"

"Just dance to the beat, wave your hands together," she instructed the green woman. "Those might even be the words. I don't speak Swedish. Follow me."

The brown man waited in Shego's cabin in the dark, wondering why she hadn't already returned. He had entered six minutes earlier. He had assumed she had motion detectors alerting her... She might be further away than he guessed, or indisposed in some way. Clearly she was not nearly as good as he had been warned – and that meant she was not nearly as dangerous. Careless too. The opened package had been on the small desk, with what he sought simply inside the drawer. _"The reward for finding it is great. But there should be an even greater reward for her death." _


	9. Take Back the Things That We Said

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

_We had a good thing going for us, girl  
I gotta be out of my head  
Now what have I said? Where are you going?  
Can't we stop and take back the things that we said?_

**Take Back the Things That We Said**

On the dance floor of the larger club on the ship Shego and Kim moved to Carameldanzzzen. Kim's ease showed she had done it before. The first minute or two had been awkward for Shego, but she picked up the moves quickly. She realized the drinks had given her the courage to get on the floor with Kim, but now she found herself enjoying being with Kim. _"Being on the dance floor,"_ she told herself. _"I'm enjoying dancing. I do not enjoy being with Kim."_ She glanced nervously at Kim. Kim smiled, and Shego realized she was smiling too. _"Okay, maybe I enjoy being with Kim, a little."_ The dance seemed to simply go on, and on, and on.

"You like it?" Kim shouted loudly enough for Shego to hear.

"Yeah," Shego admitted. "How did you–"

"You haven't looked at your wrist for–"

Shego glanced at the device on her wrist. "Shit!" She ran for the door.

Kim stood still for a moment, not sure what to do. Her best guess was that someone was breaking into Shego's cabin, or had broken in. Shego could probably take care of an intruder without any help... Shego had also had a couple drinks and was angry, both of which might slow her down. And Kim remembered Shego had expressed a concern about a possible attack. Kim felt Shego could handle any one attacker, but would she be able to handle multiple attackers? Kim ran for the exit as well.

From his table, where he was drinking with another NSA agent, Clint Thienstein watched Shego's hurried departure, and Kim following a few moments later. The pair were a mystery to the American. He had read Shego's dossier when he was given the assignment, and requested information on Kim when the two began spending time together. According to their histories they should not be spending time together. It didn't make sense. The assumption was that Shego was on the cruise to steal something, although there was nothing to steal in terms of policy discussions and no one could think of a criminal use for any of the technology being shared. And the NSA agent would have guessed Kim was on the cruise to thwart criminal actions by Shego. Except that Shego didn't seem to have any kind of designs on the global warming conference, and Kim didn't seem interested in thwarting anything. He had heard a rumor there was some sort of betting pool on whether Kim and Shego were having sex. So, what had he just seen? A lover's quarrel?

During his surveillance he had also noticed how often Shego consulted the device she wore on her wrist. He needed to find out what was happening.

"Call of nature?" the man he was drinking with asked as Thienstein stood.

"Call of duty."

"Need help?"

"I'm guessing no. Let you know if I'm wrong."

In Shego's cabin Channarong fidgeted nervously. Could the woman be preparing some trap for him in the corridor? It was taking too long. She should have run into the dark cabin within minutes of his breaking in, giving him a chance to stab her before her eyes became accustomed to the dim light – guaranteed by the fact he had unplugged the lamp. What if the red-haired woman returned with Shego? She was also reported to be highly skilled in hand-to-hand combat.

But Channarong's over-confidence in his special forces training out-weighed even Will Du's self-opinion. His confidence in his training and the fact his intended target was a woman. He had received the mission because of his skill and dedication. And his employer must expect him to kill the green woman, he told himself. He would not have been told the reward for the green woman's death if he were not supposed to kill her. The warnings of her skill were just a reminder that he had to be careful – retrieve what had been stolen and kill the thief. Channarong assumed his employer wanted no witnesses to the connection between what had been stolen and himself. The brown man refused to consider the possibility he might also count as a witness to the connection. He thought himself too valuable to consider he might also be viewed as a liability.

The door to the cabin burst open.

Shego flicked the light switch. Nothing happened. "Fuck!"

Movement from her right.

The drinks, anger making her lose focus, the darkness, years of wearing a kevlar and leather catsuit that offered some protection... Shego blocked his slash with her right arm but was was cut deeply. Blood spurted.

Channarong stared in surprise. No one was that fast. She wasn't dead, but she was bleeding badly. The pain would–

He didn't have time to finish the thought. Her foot thudded into his side, cracking three ribs. He didn't realize they were cracked, only that it hurt like hell. She was as dangerous as he had been told. Still confident he could have beaten the wounded woman he decided flight might be the more prudent choice.

He threw the light desk chair at her. Maybe, if it knocked her–

It didn't. But it provided a momentary distraction which allowed him to get out the door.

As Kim reached the corner of the corridor the brown man rushed past, splashed with blood and moving as if in pain. Her reflex was to hit him, but she stopped herself. She didn't know the source of the blood. It might be Shego's. Theoretically it could be something entirely innocent, but she doubted that. And fear that Shego was wounded caused Kim to run even faster to the green woman's cabin.

Shego was on her knees, partially in a state of shock – but trying to stop the flow of blood with pressure. "Call the doctor!"

"Stop bleeding first," Kim told her, and ripped up a pillowcase for a strip of cloth to make a tourniquet.

"What happened," a voice demanded from the doorway. Kim looked up to see her average-sized man, with average hair and average eye color.

"Call a medic, or doctor," barked Kim.

He decided to make the call first, rather than claiming he just happened to be walking by and had seen some drops of blood in the corridor.

"All your fault," Shego muttered as Kim kept pressure applied with the tourniquet. "All your fault."

Within minutes the cabin was cramped and chaotic with a doctor and nurse trying to help Shego and two members of ship's security demanding answers to their questions on who had cut Shego.

"I, uh, didn't see what happened," Thienstein told them, "but I heard that woman – the woman who was cut – say it was the fault of the redhead.

The sedative Shego had been given was starting to take effect, but she still managed to curse the NSA agent, "She distracted me, Stupid... Not... Kim, stay here!"

"Stay in your cabin?"

"Yeah... I..."

"Shego? Shego?"

"She's under," the doctor told her. "Gurney will be here in a minute. We're taking her to the medical suite, better equipment for treating her wound."

One of the security officers asked Kim, "Any idea why she asked you to stay in her cabin?"

"No idea," the redhead lied. She had several ideas. The one that appeared most likely, in her opinion, was that the attacker had wanted something Shego had in her cabin. Perhaps he had found it before attacking Shego. Perhaps he hadn't. _"Shego wants me to stay here and protect something."_

"You can't stay here," the other security agent told her. "There's blood and–"

"I'll clean it up."

"The attacker might be back."

"I'll be careful before opening the door. Could you have someone from housecleaning... Cabin-cleaning... Whatever you call it bring cleaning supplies."

Shego was loaded onto the gurney and taken away. Thienstein gave his statement to security and left – wondering what was happened.

The the break-in, search, and fight had all happened quickly and the room was largely undisturbed. It gave Kim hope that she would find whatever it was Shego wanted her to protect.

Kim did a little straightening as she waited for cleaning supplies to be brought. The opened package, addressed to Alexis Jade was in the middle of the small desk. Kim saw the address, and realized immediately that Shego had lied to her. Shego had left her at the mall to pick up the package. The green woman had said there should be no reason to be followed in Bergen. And the reason for that, it seemed to Kim, would be because Shego had a something waiting for her in Stockholm whose content someone wanted very badly.

There should have been a customs declaration with the small package. There wasn't. Nor was it in the trash can by the desk. Shego could have thrown it out in the post office. Or, if Shego were in a hurry to get back to Kim, she could have brought it back to the ship. The package was left out in the open, as if deliberately to be seen. Shego could have burned, flushed, or swallowed the customs statement. _"Burned or flushed. No point in swallowing."_ But a wadded up piece of paper in the bathroom trash was the declaration. Glass and quartz beads for crafting bracelets. Value €25. _"No one was going to kill someone for glass and quartz beads."_

So, the box could not have held exactly what the customs declaration claimed. _"But why leave the open package on the desk? Why not hide the whole box; it wasn't very big. It's almost like she wanted it to be... She wanted it to be found."_ That made more sense than the attacker finding the box in the trash and leaving it here as a message he had discovered it.

There was a knock on the door. A cabin steward with cleaning supplies. "Hi, I was told... Oh, it's nasty in here! What happened?"

"Someone attacked the woman who is staying in this cabin."

"How badly was she hurt?"

"Bad cut on the arm. She asked me to take care of things here."

"Want any help?"

"Thanks, but I'll take care of it myself. I'm a friend. Maybe she was afraid of a cleaning crew finding her porn stash."

"Or weed. Hey, you need some haz-mat gear. We're supposed to wear it when we clean blood." He rummaged around on the cart in the corridor and left her a small bundle of protective clothing to wear.

Kim wanted to search for package contents before cleaning, but knew her responsibility was to clean first. She had a small hope that the 'glass beads' she sought might be found while she was cleaning. But before she did anything she called the number for medical emergencies by the cabin phone. Whoever answered the phone explained he was not supposed to say anything. Kim told him she was a friend, who had been asked to stay in Ms Jade's cabin and clean. She was told she shouldn't be there, it was the job for cruise staff. Kim briefly considered leaving to find the medical suite and administering an atomic wedge in hopes it might prompt an attitude adjustment. Instead she took a deep breath, managed to calm herself, and eventually extradited the news that, though the cut was deep and Shego currently under sedation there should be no permanent damage.

Feeling slightly relieved Kim set to work cleaning. She found a blue stone during the clean-up of Shego's cabin.

Kim looked at the box and declaration again. _"Glass and quartz beads."_ The box was relatively small, and probably could hold a couple dozen beads of the size of the one she found. _"And it probably did hold a dozen or more,"_ Kim thought. _"You want it to look real if the package is x-rayed. Diamonds? Emeralds? Rubies? What was in here? This is blue, like a sapphire."_ She checked, but it wasn't a real jewel.

There was a chance the thief had found what he was looking for, but Kim did a fast check of obvious potential hiding places. She found two more stones with a blue color. _"Was this what the thief wanted!"_

Except they weren't. She was able to determine she had found two more quartz beads. They were very nice quartz beads, and had been professionally tinted. But they were quartz beads.

Adjusting a cushion revealed another stone. Once again, it was not worth the risk of burglary or attempted murder.

She had discovered four fakes.

Kim decided that somewhere in the cabin there was a large, blue, real whatever. The thief had probably found one, believed he had discovered what he was there for, and Shego had arrived before he could leave. Kim refused to consider a gem was worth the life of anyone.

Apparently Shego had hidden several fakes around the cabin. Kim wondered how many fakes she might find if she looked carefully. And would she be able to discover the real jewel, assuming the thief had not discovered it, if she looked carefully enough?

Kim's money was on the real jewel still being hidden. Did the thief even know he had a fake? A jewel thief, such as Falsetto Jones, would be able to tell real from fake stones at a glance. Someone whose training was not in jewels could be fooled. It had taken Kim some effort. Shego expected someone who did not have training in gems. _"Who was that guy? And, if Shego is wanting to keep her nose clean, why did she... She could have had it honestly? No, if she was being honest she wouldn't need all the hiding and ditching me at the mall... But if she stole it, why didn't the guy who attacked her ask security to arrest her?"_

Nothing made sense.

The first knock on the door that disrupted Kim's confused thoughts was the cabin steward asking how the clean-up was going and if he could help. Kim gave him the cleaning supplies and materials used in cleaning up the blood. Part of Kim hoped the thief came back. Kim would make sure some of his blood was in the cabin before... Kim took another deep breath. No point in tearing him apart in her mind.

The second disturbance was Rose Gardner, asking what had happened. Kim reported the facts she knew: Shego had been attacked, a description of the attacker, Kim being asked to remain and clean up Shego's cabin. Kim's theories were speculation rather than facts and she kept them to herself.

"Seems odd. Why would she ask you to stay? Something she wants you to protect there?"

"Probably. But I'm not sure what. The thief could have found what he wanted."

"You suggested someone might want to kill her, could... But she wouldn't ask you to stay if his goal was assassination."

"That's why I said probably here to guard something. Shego wouldn't know if it had been found or not. She was also in shock and had been given a sedative, so maybe she wasn't thinking clearly. The guy who brought the cleaning supplies suggested maybe she didn't want the cruise staff to find her marijuana stash."

Rose shrugged, "If you find out exactly what's going on, let me know."

Kim nodded, wondering if she would be honest or not... She would be honest. It was her duty. She had to believe Shego wanted to stay legal. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Maybe."

"I'm worried about Shego. When I called the number for the medical office I mostly got the run-around. Then I got some sort of vague reassurances. Could you–"

"Get a real status report and call you?"

"I'd be grateful."

Kim spent the next twenty minutes in a combination of anger at Shego for stealing whatever it was she must have stolen – and ruining her legal status, and fear in regard to Shego's wound, and anger for Shego not trusting Kim enough to tell her the truth, and fear that the assassin might make another attempt on Shego's life while she was under sedation. There was also a sense of guilt, that it might somehow have been her fault._ "Maybe I was distracting her."_

After what seemed an eternity the phone rang, "Yes?"

"Spoke with a nurse. The wound is deep, but not life-threatening. They estimate it may be four or five months before she's completely recovered. Have you found anything about what she might want you to protect?"

"No. I haven't seen anything worth stealing or killing for. And I'm not sure of the ethics of ransacking her cabin."

"Good point."

"But I realized, Global Justice should station someone at the infirmary."

"Why would... Oh, in case the attempted killer comes back? Good idea. I'll ask Will, it will make him feel useful to have a real assignment."

"I wish you'd assign someone–"

"And I've told you, his abilities as an agent are quite good, even if his interpersonal skills are lacking. Sorry about Shego's injury. You don't feel it was your fault in any way, do you?"

"Maybe a little. I was distracting her and... Yeah. A whole bunch of guilt."

"She will recover, it will just take time."

"Maybe not as long as the doctor estimated. I hope not as long as her doctor estimated. Did the dossier on Shego talk about her healing power?"

"She heals faster than most people, but it still takes her time to heal, it was a deep wound."

"I'm not saying she'll recover tomorrow, or by the end of the cruise. I'm saying it probably won't take four or five months."

"We'll just have to wait and see. Any other ideas before I call Du and tell him to do a junkyard dog impression?"

"No. Thanks for the news."

Kim didn't try to attempt time conversion. She felt certain Ron should be up. She didn't know his class schedule, but decided to risk it, she needed to talk to someone. Mostly she needed assurance.

Ron listened. "Not your fault."

"But I distracted–"

"Still, not your fault."

"But if–"

"Focus. Not your fault she was attacked. If she'd been honest with you, you'd have helped her with... With whatever it is she wants you to do now."

"What if she's stolen something. She's legal, Ron! She likes that, I know it. But if she... I'm scared."

"For her, or you?"

"Both of us."

"'Cause you know your job, and you'll do it. You need to know if she's got something stolen in her cabin, that's your job. Right?"

"Right," Kim sighed. Ron had tried to comfort her. But at the moment she was feeling too much guilt and fear to feel comfort. She tried explaining how she felt... It seemed like Ron was unusually quiet. "Ron, are you there?"

She noticed her battery was dead. She decided to clean up a little more, maybe Shego had a charging cable she could use. Maybe she shouldn't... Would Kim want someone rummaging around in the contents of her cabin? But what if someone needed to contact her? What if she found proof that Shego was still a thief? Unsure what was the most ethical, or desirable, course of conduct (whether ethical or not) she didn't look for a charging cord.

She didn't sleep well.


	10. Diamonds Are Forever

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Oh, what the heck, I'm pretty sure that I've never used a theme song from a James Bond film before.

_I don't need love, for what good will love do me?  
Diamonds never lie to me._

**Diamonds Are Forever**

Kim did not sleep well. Worry about Shego's wound, feelings of guilt that she might somehow be responsible, fear that Shego had committed some crime that would negate her legal status all conspired against the forces of Morpheus.

In one of the rare moments of doze Kim was awakened by a pounding on the cabin door. She stumbled over to answer it.

"Will? What– Is Shego okay?"

"Ms Jade is anything but okay. She is in a state of high dudgeon and demanded I investigate why you aren't answering your phone."

"Dead battery."

"Dead battery?"

"Yes, the reason I didn't answer my phone... Aren't you supposed to be guarding her?"

"Which is the reason she appointed me the whipping boy for her demands."

"You shouldn't have left her!"

"The alternative to playing errand boy was to subdue her with a tranquilizer gun. And while it appeared an attractive option I decided that verification of your status might be more appropriate."

"Do you know why she wanted to call me?"

"I was not privy to her reasoning, or hysteria. She–"

"Hysteria? She's hysterical?"

"That is my evaluation of her condition. She seemed unusually upset by her inability to communicate with you."

"Maybe she was just concerned that whoever wounded her would come back and I was a victim," suggested Kim. _"Maybe she's afraid I found whatever it is I'm here to guard."_

"I will tell her your phone is inoperative from lack of power, but that you appear in a reasonable state of... You appear to be in a state of not having had sufficient sleep."

_"Thank you, Mr. Obvious. And you could just tell her the phone battery died."_ "Yeah, tired. Worried about Shego. How does she seem?"

"Clearly she is out from under the anesthesia – which allowed her to sleep well. I assume she has a considerable level of pain from her wound, but her inability to communicate with you appeared to be her primary concern."

"Pain? How much–"

"She did not deign to make me privy to her pain. Her threat presented me with the choices of either checking on your own health immediately or experiencing a plasma enema."

"Thanks for watching her, Will. I appreciate it. I hope she will too, when she calms down."

"Would you like to return to the infirmary with me? I don't know if there are official visiting times, but as a Global Justice agent you–"

"I'm allowing for the possibility there's something here she wants me to guard. Tell her I'm here and fine."

"I hope that will be sufficient to placate the harridan," muttered Du as he returned to the infirmary.

Several minutes later the cabin phone rang. Kim answered, "Hello?"

"You got a lousy battery on your phone, Princess. A phone with a bad battery isn't healthy. It could have injured agent starch-in-his-underpants here."

"Starch? I told you it was–"

"I'm talking about the way he acts."

"So why didn't you try your cabin phone?"

"I wasn't thinking, okay? You try waking up from anesthesia with your arm looking like something from the movie, 'Revenge of the Mummy' and see how clearly you're thinking. For that matter, try using your phone with only your left hand."

"Can I pass on that, I'll just believe what you're... How are you?"

"Feeling like an idiot."

"I'm asking about pain."

"There's a lot of pain. But feeling like an idiot may be worse. I can't believe he got the drop on me, it's been years since–"

"It's my fault, isn't it? I distracted you and–"

"How about you just shut up. It's my job to protect my own ass, not yours. And I did a fucking bad job of it."

"You knew there was someone looking to kill you?"

"No. I mean, there's always the chance someone was looking to settle and old score, but I didn't–"

"Someone from Thailand, where you stole a large blue gem?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Package on your desk here. You ditched me in Solna yesterday!"

"Maybe," admitted Shego.

"And, if it wasn't stolen you would have gone to the post office with me instead of ditching me."

"Anyone could have mailed it to me."

"Sure," snorted Kim. "Someone mailed you a sapphire that size as a gift? And it doesn't change the fact you ditched me!" She hoped that didn't sound as childish to Shego as it had to her the second it slipped out of her mouth.

Shego had other thoughts. Kim hadn't found the diamond. It was too well hidden. Or maybe she wouldn't recognize it as a diamond. Shego felt certain the attempted assassin hadn't found the diamond. But she could be wrong. She assumed he had found one of the dummies and thought his mission was complete. His mission, in Shego's mind, should have just been to retrieve the rock. Maybe the Thai government official was really taking it personally. Maybe his agent thought there would be some gold star for him, and a nice bonus, if Shego were killed – a cherry on the top of a job well done. "Hey, there is no stolen sapphire anywhere in my cabin," Shego assured Kim. "And you and me need to agree on defining the word 'steal' I–"

"We both know what 'steal' means," Kim shot back.

"Do we? We can debate that later. And I'll be back to my cabin as soon as they let me out of this prison they call an infirmary. I'm hoping they'll spring me when the doctor takes a look... A half hour or so." Shego felt a desperate need for reassurance that the diamond was still there, but not desperate enough to tell Kim where to look for it.

"Okay, I'm going to try and grab a nap. Oh, charging cords? Any chance I can plug in my phone?"

"Drawer in the little nightstand by... You didn't find them when you were ransacking the cabin?"

"I didn't ransack your cabin."

"You said you found some a blue stone of some kind, you claimed it was a sapphire."

"I found three or four. And I wasn't ransacking your cabin. I kept finding them when I was cleaning up your blood. And they were all fakes, and there is no way someone is going to attack you for a fake so–"

"Could have just attacked me for the hell of it," suggested Shego. "Some pervert, hide in a woman's cabin and attack her. Maybe he's got some weird fetish where he hides fake jewels around the cabin first, just to confuse the Global Justice agent who gets stuck–"

"Can it, Shego. There was, or still is, some stolen sapphire in this cabin."

"And I told you, there is not, nor has there ever been – to the best of my knowledge – a stolen sapphire in that cabin. And we will talk about the word steal later."

"No we won't! Shego, I... I have to report that you're still stealing things! I... You..."

"You won't report a damn thing until we've talked. No one, and I mean no one in the entire fucking world, is going to accuse me of stealing anything in that cabin."

_"She's lying,"_ Kim thought at the call ended. _"Just like she lied about ditching me in Solna. I should tell Rose..."_ Should she tell Rose? Okay, she should – but did she have to do it now? Was it possible Shego didn't have a stolen sapphire in the cabin? Could Shego have some sort of story that made sense and exonerated her from any crime? Kim doubted it. She had to face the prospect of arresting Shego. She didn't want to, but it was her job. Maybe Shego would find some way to escape first. There was no way Shego could beat Kim in a fight with her right arm out of action.

Kim found a charging cord and plugged in her phone. Even a half hour would restore some life to the battery. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, but lay down again.

Half an hour later the cabin phone awoke her. "Huh?"

"Princess? You sound–"

"I'm beat. Where are you? You were going to–"

"Idiot doctor thinks I should stay here – even threatening to send me to a hospital in Copenhagen when we dock there. Now, under normal circumstances I'd be happy to punch him in the nose and just walk, but I'd also have to take out secret agent man here too, and when he came to–"

Will's voice could be heard protesting in the background, "You would find yourself unable to defeat me! I am–"

"Shut up," snarled Shego. "Anyway, Princess," she said, addressing Kim again, "I was wondering about maybe playing happy camper here for a few hours. No point in giving the boy scout here a black eye until necessary. Can I impose on you to watch my cabin for a little longer? I'm sure I can find some way to repay you for your act of kindness. Some way you'll love."

"I want to find the man who–"

"You need sleep. And I said I'd repay you... Something with silk sheets? That doesn't sound–"

"You won't interfere with me doing my job. I will arrest you if–"

"You damn well won't arrest me. You're still the do-gooder little high school kid I used to–"

Kim hung up, angry with Shego for trying to seduce her. Kim had a job to do, she would do it. She looked at her phone. It was mostly charged, and she left it plugged in as she called Rose Gardner to give a report.

"Interesting," mused the senior agent. "It does sound like Shego might have a stolen gem of some sort." Something about a large blue gem and Thailand sounded familiar, but she couldn't remember any details.

"Should I be looking for it?"

"I... I'm not sure. If Shego stole a gem, and she was suspected as the thief, there would be a warrant of some sort out on her. I'll check again. To the best of my knowledge there are no charges of any sort out on her. Why would anyone send an assassin out rather than trying to make an arrest? Could she be a courier of some sort?"

"A job delivering valuable property from one place to another?"

"As a possibility. There may be other options that would leave your Ms Jade innocent of any wrongdoing."

"Then why doesn't she tell me what–"

"I've got no idea, Kim. I said a courier was one option, there may be others. I don't know what is going on."

"Should I search for the jewel?"

"We're in international waters. You have no search warrant. The fact she asked you to stay in her cabin might be seen as implicit permission. Still I think the safest course of action would be for you to _no_t search, unless I discover she is being sought for a crime."

When the call ended Agent Gardner went on line to see if Shego's legal status had changed, and used a search engine to try and discover whatever had caused blue gem and Thailand to ring a faint bell in the back of her mind.

Kim was able to fall asleep.

The call from Ron awakened her. "You okay, KP? Your phone went dead, and when I tried to call you back–"

"Dead battery."

"Oh. How's Shego?"

"Hurting, but she didn't blame me... I'm not sure what's going on with her, legally. I'm scared she might have stolen something, but I really don't want to arrest her. I... I think she tried to seduce me to let her go."

"Seduce you?"

"Well, she offered... I mean, would she do that if she was innocent?"

"I'm not sure either of you count as innocent."

"Ron! You know what I mean."

"Not sure, Kim. Yeah, I'd be worried she's guilty of something. So, how tempted were you?"

"None of your business, and very. And then she called me a high-school kid and I hung up on her."

"Very mature of you."

"She started it! I'm not a high-school kid."

"Very mature of her too. I'm starting to think the two of you deserve each other."

Kim changed the subject, "Anyway, I didn't sleep well last night, so I'm catching up now."

"Okay, I'll let you... Did I wake you up?"

"Yes."

"Good. I owe you a couple more for this trip."

"Sorry, Ron."

"No problem, KP. I'm flattered you need my help to figure out your love life."

Kim laughed nervously and the call ended.

She managed her largest block of sleep between the end of Ron's call and Shego's next call. "Idiot doctor wants to keep me... Maybe not bad idea, but I want to talk with you for a minute. Can you and the boy scout tag team for a minute?"

"You mean send Will down to watch the cabin and I find the infirmary?"

"See, I don't know why people think security agents aren't the brightest bulbs in the socket."

As Kim entered the infirmary a male nurse told her, "Don't talk long. Ms Jade needs another shot of pain medicine."

"She has something she wants to tell me. I'm not sure how long it will take." The nurse gestured to a small room to one side, but Kim had seen the hospital bed through the partially open door and guessed Shego's location.

"Close the door behind you," Shego ordered.

The Justice agent felt another pang of guilt at the sight of Shego's bandaged arm. "Nurse said you're in a lot of pain."

"That doesn't begin to cover it. But that's not the point now. Cupcake, I'm going to give you a hypothetical. Person A takes something valuable that Person B owns, without Person B's knowledge or permission. That's stealing, right?"

"Of course, but–"

"I'm not done. Person C now takes the stolen property from Person B, and returns it to Persona A. Oh, and Person C had to find some way to get it from Person B without Person B saying 'sure, take it back'. It was valuable and taken without Person B's knowledge or permission. Same scenario as what you called stealing. Is is stealing if you take stolen property from a thief to return to the rightful owner?"

"Are you claiming you–"

"I'm not claiming shit about me, at the moment. We're defining stealing. And I've given you a hypothetical and demanded an answer from the girl who used to take back the things I stole for Drakken. Is the return of stolen property stealing?"

Kim hesitated, "I get the feeling whatever I say you're going to gloat and tell me you're right and I'm wrong."

"There are two reasons for that. One is you're smart enough to realize you're wrong. A lot of people in the world too dumb to even know they're dumb. Second reason for that is, I'm right and you're wrong."

"So, now we move from the hypothetical to the stolen sapphire, which you're going to say is not stolen?"

"No, now we move from the hypothetical to the abstract. Do you have the slightest idea how much stolen stuff there is in the world?"

"And this is where, if I say I have an idea, you tell me I'm all wrong?"

"Nailed it. Art museums with paintings sitting in their basements they won't show. Nazis were real good about scooping up art. Museums have bought things that... A few cheerfully return art when they realize it was stolen. More fight it in lawsuits. And a bunch just keep it hidden and hope the heirs forget about it. But let's not limit it to Nazi theft. Russian army looted everything not nailed down. Looted or burned, not as careful as the Germans. American GI's stole a lot of stuff and shipped it home as souvenirs. Their kids and grandkids sometimes find stuff in the attic. And let's not limit ourselves to Second World War. Ask the Greeks about the Parthenon friezes the Brits call the Elgin Marbles. I'm not sure even God can keep track of who should rightfully own the Hope diamond, it's been stolen so many times in the past. Nice blue diamond. Remember that. It went on a diet once or twice and isn't as big as it used to be. Five hundred million in art stolen from a Boston museum in nineteen-ninety. Teddy Tucker Cross, gold and jewels, stolen in nineteen-seventy-five. A hundred million dollars worth of diamonds in Antwerp, two-thousand-three. Want me to name a few more?"

"Don't bother. Point taken. Are you ready to tell me the story of what you have in your cabin now?"

"Sure. Nineteen-eighty-nine. Thai employee of filthy rich Saudi stole pounds, and pounds, and pounds of gold and jewelry. Shipped it home before theft was discovered. Not that he got to enjoy it. Between bribes to get it into Thailand past customs, and what was confiscated when the authorities heard of it, the thief got bupkis. But Thai officials stole a lot of the stuff for themselves – even sent fakes back. Saudi's who went to Thailand to look into the theft ended up dead. Most valuable item? A fifty carat blue diamond."

"A diamond?"

"Not a sapphire. Might have been a piece off what we now call the Hope Diamond, one of those times it went missing before it was called the Hope. I told you, to the best of my knowledge there has never been a stolen sapphire in that cabin. Jesus, Princess, even when I tell you God's own truth you won't believe me. It cuts my feelings... Not as bad as that bastard cut my arm. What does a girl have to do to get some respect around here?"

"I suppose asking for a little humility is out of the question."

"Hard to be humble when you're as great as I am. Great and in pain. I can't believe I was too stupid to–"

Kim considered telling Shego she was being smug, but knew Shego would answer it was okay because she was right. "So, you're telling that you didn't steal the diamond? You're returning it to the rightful owner?"

"That's right. I..." She shifted slightly, and grimaced with pain.

"Should I call the nurse?"

"Not yet. A little more on the blue diamond."

"A real diamond? That big?"

"Fifty carats."

"And you're returning it to its real owner?"

"Cross my heart. In Copenhagen. Now, why in the world I'm doing it in Denmark instead of Stockholm makes no sense to me. If it were mine I'd want it back in my hot little hands as soon as possible. On the other hand, several guys looking to retrieve this were killed. Maybe the Saudis feel safer in Denmark." Shego pointed to her bandaged arm in the sling, "And returning it in Stockholm would have saved me a lot of pain... Wonder if I can get a bonus for pain and suffering?"

"There's a reward?"

"I'm not doing this out of the kindness of my heart. Of course I'm doing it for a reward."

Kim stopped herself from accusing Shego of being mercenary. "So, how did you get into... And some of the 'rewards' are what got the warrants for your arrest to disappear?"

"Yep. Señor Senior's new hobby. He pulls off some of them himself. Sometimes he has detectives gather the information and then sends me out. Sometimes one of us is distraction while the other one retrieves hot property."

"Wondered why I hadn't heard anything out of him in awhile."

"He decided he'd rather not spend time in prison, and didn't want to lose too much money on lawyers and legal fees. He still gets the thrill... Probably less dangerous now."

Kim didn't say a word about danger, but pointed to Shego's arm.

"Didn't say no danger, Princess. And this particular thing is giant-sized, more than the millions the diamond's worth. I know who had it, and the jackass is worried I could bring him down... A very, very powerful person in the Thailand, which is how he ended up with the diamond. Now, if he had any sense he'd just say I was lying. Word of a big man in government vs someone with my past? He'll stay in power. But the guy I wouldn't want to be, when I got back to Thailand, is the guy he sent out to get the diamond back. He'll be finding out if there's life after death real soon."

"Why?"

"Because he's a Thai witness. The schmuck at the top doesn't want witnesses if he's worried about staying in power. You've got to worry about a Thai mentioning something to someone and starting the rumor mill going. The guy on top might want me dead, but he _needs_ his agent dead. And if his agent gets back and says, 'I got the diamond' and turns over a fake... I suspect the bastard will have a slow, very painful death."

"You going to tell Global Justice the name of the Thai official?"

"Nope."

"Why–"

"Because my word isn't proof of anything. You don't know where I got the diamond. I could be lying. But more importantly, I may want to use the threat of exposure to blackmail the Son of a Bitch, he owes me for this," Shego said, pointing at her right arm. "What do you figure it's worth? Two, three million for a promise I never reveal his name?"

"That's illegal!"

Shego shrugged, "He can file a criminal complaint if he wants. Yeah, a couple mill for sure. I got thrown out of Thailand naked."

"What?"

"Well, not literally. I 'obtained' the stone, and got it mailed to Alexis Jade... By the way, I was not Alexis Jade then, but planned to be. I knew I might be suspected, but I figured they'd just search my room, it would be clean, and I'd be free to go. No such luck."

"What happened?"

"When the Bastard found the diamond was gone I got tossed in jail, everything – and I mean everything – was confiscated, I got a three day diet of laxatives in the Thai jail... Bet the jailers wondered why they were looking through my shit. Anyway, US embassy applied enough pressure that, since there was no evidence of any crime, I was sprung and had my passport returned – and was told to keep the prison wear. They probably figured I'd sent it out, but it was out of Thai hands at that point. The Swedes are an honest lot, and I doubt if the Thais were positive that a package mailed to someone they'd never heard of in Sweden was what they wanted. And, let's face it, way too many people were getting a clue something was wrong, even if they weren't sure what. At that point you check postal records and send out one or two trusted guys with special forces training to investigate possible targets."

"You're in pain. Talking is too much for you."

"Yeah, call the nurse, will you? I'll take that shot he's been trying to give me."

The nurse came in. "I'll give you this now. You'll get another shot tomorrow morning before we take you to a hospital in Copenhagen for recovery."

"No, you won't."

"Yes, that is what the doctor–"

"Screw the doctor. I'm walking out of here tomorrow morning, pain or no pain. Jane Bond here is going with me to keep me safe. Now, give me the shot and get the hell out of here."

"But–"

"Did you flunk nursing school? Never argue with a patient, it's bad for our blood pressure or something."

The nurse administered the medication. Kim stood nervously by as the drug began to take effect. Shego's face relaxed as the pain subsided.

"Feeling a little better?"

"Oh yeah, great stuff... L'il woozy, but... It's sorta like... drunk..."

"You said you wanted me to go into Copenhagen with you?"

"Keep me... In case..." Shego reached up with her left hand, grabbed Kim's blouse and jerked the startled Global Justice agent down. She kissed Kim, fiercely for a few seconds, then her grip relaxed and Kim straightened up. "Great schtuff..." Shego murmured before falling asleep with a smile on her lips.

Kim wondered if Shego was really telling the truth. She wondered about the kiss. Did Shego know what she was doing? She needed to relieve Will in Shego's cabin. Should she look for the diamond? Would Shego be able to return the diamond tomorrow? The doctor wanted her in the hospital for recovery. Should Kim return the diamond herself? Did her job as a Global Justice agent allow... _"Need to catch up on sleep. Need to give Rose my report. Take a nap first, report when conscious."_

* * *

**Author's note**: The 1989 theft of tens of millions of dollars worth of jewelry by a Thai worker for a Saudi royal is real, as is the 50 carat blue diamond that was part of the haul. Google "blue diamond affair" on Wikipedia. Much of the loot was stolen from the thief by Thai officials, with fake gems being returned to the Saudis, and Saudis who tried to investigate were murdered. As of 2020 no one claims to know where the blue diamond is, so it's fair game for fiction.


	11. Copenhagen Dreaming

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Feudor provided me with some extra details on Stockholm. NSLC provided details on Copenhagen.

I first wanted to title this chapter Wonderful Copenhagen, a song in Danny Kaye's 1952 film 'Hans Christian Andersen'. I had considered just calling it Copenhagen, a 1924 jazz piece by Fletcher Henderson's orchestra (which included Louis Armstrong). But I was afraid some reader my confuse it with Copenhagen, a 1971 song by Chris Ledoux about snuse. So I went with Love Shop's 1997 Copenhagen Dreaming because it may actually be in Danish... How would I know? I don't speak Danish. (But the fact it's a Danish group suggests the probability.)

_Kastrup DC 9 – jeg var kommet for at tage afsted_  
_Da vi fik vingerne op kom jeg til at kigge ned_  
_Der lå vores by under dagene på træk  
Min tid gik helt i stå – hvorfor var det at jeg ville væk?._

**Copenhagen Dreaming**

In the morning Rose Gardner played musical agents, assigning someone else to watch Shego in case of another attack, sending Will to rest in Shego's cabin after staying up to guard Shego, and ordering Kim to provide any update.

Several agents from cooperating countries were in the Justice suite, so Kim and Rose went on deck and stood at the rail to talk privately.

"I should have reported to you yesterday evening," Kim apologized. "I was too tired to think clearly. I know more about what Shego is doing. Well, I know what she claims anyway."

"Good. You said something about a large jewel, and Thailand was the country of origin for the package in her cabin. There was a theft from the Saudi's in–"

Kim's jaw dropped open in surprise, "You knew about that?"

"Not sure if knew is the proper verb. It sounded vaguely familiar and it turned up when I used Google™. You're saying that Shego stole some of the Saudi jewelry in Thailand?"

"She says it's not stealing if you take something from a thief and return it. I... I kind of understand. Do you call it theft? She claims to have one stone and says she'll return it at the Saudi embassy in Copenhagen."

"Return, as in claim a large reward?"

"That's not illegal, is it?"

"No. I'd be surprised if there wasn't a large reward – and even more surprised if she turned it down."

"Has the man who tried to kill her been found?"

"Not the last I knew. This is a big ship. They'll be watching anyone leaving in Copenhagen. Oh, since you can identify him, you need to watch passengers who are disembarking."

"But–"

"Someone else can watch Shego, or her cabin, if that's what you're worried about."

"I am. And the doctor would like to send her to a hospital in Copenhagen for a recovery period. She's insisting on going to the embassy herself. She asked me to go with her. Since she has one arm in a sling she's not at... I'm not sure if a body-guard detail falls under my Global Justice job description or not. But I'd like to do it."

"I'm not sure, technically speaking, if it's in your job description for this mission either. But considering all the grief the original theft caused between the Thais and Saudis I think seeing it delivered safely would be a good idea... Delivered safely... Not that I distrust your Ms. Jade, but assuming she really has... Is it the blue diamond?"

"Yes."

"I wouldn't mind seeing that myself. Anyway, just in case keeping it for herself proves too much of a temptation, having you there to keep her honest wouldn't be a bad idea."

* * *

As the ship neared its Langelinie berth Kim stood on deck, looking to see if the Little Mermaid statue in the harbor currently had its head or had suffered another decapitation by vandals.

Members of the climate change conference had been out earlier on the deck, _en masse_, to view Denmark's wind farms in the sea. The cruise portion of the conference ended today. There would be one another day of conference, in Copenhagen, with a plenary session and banquet to end the meeting. Global Justice and other security forces theoretically remained on duty until the end of the conference. But with no reason to suspect any sort of protests the Danish police would assume the real responsibility of security at the hotel.

Most of the conference delegates and security forces were ready to disembark. There was a shuttle to take delegate luggage to the hotel – giving the attendees the freedom to enjoy the park. Kim had heard there was an excursion planned to Tivoli, but her mission of guarding Shego, and seeing the diamond returned to Saudi officials, kept Kim from considering the trip.

The man who had attacked Shego had still not been found. There were no Thai's on the passenger list. Security assumed that, if Shego's claim her attacker was Thai was correct, he carried a passport from a nation such as Malta which sold them, or a fake. Shego and Kim planned to leave after the crowd had cleared. Kim stood with the ship's security as passengers left the ship – both those who were leaving the cruise in Copenhagen and those who would continue the cruise after the stop in the Danish capital. Kim did not see Channarong among those leaving the ship. Was he still on board, and a threat to Shego? Did he have a way of surreptitiously leaving the vessel? Had he already left?

As she had threatened, Shego refused to take the pain medication the doctor prescribed, claiming it would slow her thinking. He wanted her sent to a hospital. She didn't want to go, and threatened to make him a eunuch if he didn't let her sign a waiver and discharge her. The doctor looked to Kim for help.

"She doesn't listen to me," the redhead apologized. "I'm going into the city with her to keep her safe. Give me the medication and if she gets smart and asks for–"

"Like that would happen," snorted Shego.

"You might smarten up. I believe in miracles."

Shego wasn't sure all the paperwork was necessary to sign herself out of sickbay, or whatever the cruise line called their infirmary. _"Damn lawyers,"_ she thought as she tried to sign her name again using her left hand. _"And damn the lawsuit-happy crazies who make it necessary to sign all these damn waivers of liability in triplicate."_

Kim helped Shego dress. Shego was finding many things difficult to manage with her arm in a sling. Kim mostly worked in silence, but asked, "Do you remember kissing me yesterday?"

"What?"

"As the pain meds kicked in. You grabbed me with your left hand and kissed me."

"Don't see any bruises."

"I didn't fight you. You were in pain and medicated. You didn't hurt me."

"I meant bruises on me. I'm surprised you didn't deck me."

"I'd say you weren't in your right mind, but when are you? Besides, like I said, your meds were kicking in and it's bad luck to punch someone with one arm."

"I really did that? I don't remember."

"Yep, you did."

"Damn... Did I enjoy... You're not just saying that so I'll ask for another pain shot, are you?"

Kim sighed, "You're done. Let's go to your cabin, then go into Copenhagen."

* * *

Rose Gardner was in Shego's cabin when the two arrived. "I'd like to see the blue diamond before you return it."

Shego glared at Kim, "You told her!"

"It's my job. You're doing nothing wrong. And I needed her permission to go along."

Shego hesitated, then shrugged. "Hell, she already knows. Kim, would you get the toothpaste from the sink?"

"Toothpaste?"

"Yep. Pop the seal at the end of the tube, squeeze out the toothpaste, and find a diamond with no cavities and strong enamel."

Kim, having the use of both hands, performed the task.

"That is impressive," Rose commented after the jewel was washed.

Shego began to offer thanks to Rose for allowing Kim to serve as bodyguard, and then realized, "She's there to keep me honest too, isn't she?"

"She is. I will assign an additional agent if you want one. The theft of the blue diamond is big and international. Global Justice is interested. Can we get a statement from you on the diamond's recovery?"

"Oh, I just got lucky and found it on the street. No idea who might have had it."

"You're lying, of course. But maybe just as well. He, or she, is probably so high in the Thai government there's nothing we could do legally. Your word against his wouldn't stand up in international court."

* * *

The taxi stopped in front of Lyngbyvej twenty. Kim and Shego looked doubtful. "You sure this is the right address?"

"Ja."

"Does that look like an embassy to you?" Kim whispered.

"Nope, looks like an office building. Maybe he doesn't speak English."

"It is address you ask," he insisted.

They paid and got out of the taxi. They figured they would find someone in the building who could tell them the real location of the Saudi embassy. The lobby office directory indicated the Saudi embassy was on the third floor.

Kim checked her watch, "We're, like, five minutes early."

"And they've probably been waiting since I called from the ship and said we'd made port."

The blinds were drawn on the door of the Saudi suite when they reached the third floor. A uniformed, and armed, Saudi standing outside the door nodded and opened it for them. He went in with them, and locked the door. Three other guards were in the room, along with three men the women identified as embassy personal, and a man whose presence surprised Kim.

At a table to one side of the room sat an old, Hasidic Jew.

"If you don't mind a question, why in the hell did you have me bring the diamond to Copenhagen?" Shego pointed to her right arm, in a sling. "I had someone trying to kill me, which could have been avoided if I just dropped it off in Stockholm."

"We wish to verify that the diamond–"

"You think I'd lie to you about having it? What kind of an idiot do–"

"You said you had it. We believed you thought you had it. But with the amount of money involved we wish to be absolutely certain, and our expert," the ambassador nodded in the direction of the Hasid, "did not wish to travel to Stockholm."

"But he came to Copenhagen?"

"Not all Jewish diamond experts are in Antwerp. And we wish him to examine the diamond because he has examined the real blue diamond in the past."

The Hasid had prepared a small work space on the table in front of him. "The diamond, please?"

Kim pulled a wad of tissue from her pocket, with the diamond inside. There was tension in the room as the Jew polished the stone, examined it under his loupe, and shone light through it from different angles for an examination Shego felt took far too long. Was there any chance she had been duped? Was the stone fake? Had the jeweler been paid to say it was fake when it was real so the Saudis could stiff her? Finally he looked up and smiled, "It is the Saudi diamond," he told the ambassador.

Everyone in the room relaxed and smiled.

The Hasid, whose fee had already been paid, gathered the tools of his trade and left.

The ambassador glanced at one of the guards, "Altair, the case." The man left the room. The ambassador turned back to Shego, "It was not certain you had the stone, so it was uncertain how you wanted payment. We have cash, if you prefer," he told her, pointing at the leather suitcase Altair now had in his hands, "or a direct electronic transfer."

"Could you open the case?"

"You don't believe the money is there? It will take you some time to count it all."

"I believe the money is all there. I just like seeing it. There are problems with taking large amounts of cash into the United States, and rather than risk it I'll go for the electronic transfer. If we can do it here and now. Still, I'd like to see what it looks like in cash money."

The ambassador laughed, "It is as I expected. The computer there," he pointed, "is set up. You need only enter your bank information. Altair, open the case."

Kim let her breath out slowly as she looked at the bundles of hundred dollar bills, certain she had never seen so many at one time before.

Shego asked, "Any bonus for my wound?"

"It is not my place to set the size of the reward. I am merely an intermediary. I am, however, authorized to offer fifty-thousand additional dollars if you will confirm or deny the name of the Thai we believe had the diamond."

"A generous offer, but I believe I can blackmail him for a lot more."

"Let that be your bonus," the ambassador told her, and gestured to the desk chair in front of the computer. It was difficult for Shego to enter her bank information using only her left hand, but she stayed at the computer until she received verification the transfer had gone through.

After leaving the Saudi embassy Shego offered, "Want something to celebrate? I'm buying."

"Sure you can afford it?" grinned Kim.

"At this point I can afford to fill a bathtub with very expensive champagne... But unless you were willing to go in with me I think it would be a waste of good champagne."

"It would be a waste of champagne even if I got in with you," Kim assured her.

They found a bar, "Something strong for me," Shego told the man behind the bar and pointed to her arm. "Need to dull the pain. Something weak for my friend, she's my designated driver."

"I'm not driving," Kim reminded her.

"Oh, you want something stronger too? I was trying not to reveal your dark secret – you get drunk easily."

"I don't get... The other night was not typical."

"Would you like a Hvidtøl?" asked the bartender.

"Hvidtøl?"

"Used to be most popular beer in Denmark, now a Christmas beer."

"Talk about seasonal beers," murmured Shego. She looked at Kim, "Try it and give me a sip? I'm going with whiskey. Can't decide if a double will do it. Maybe a triple. But I'll have the good sense to sip – not toss it back like a redhead who will remain nameless."

"I have the pain medicine the doctor prescribed," Kim reminded her. "You don't need to self-medicate."

"You deal with analgesia the way you want, I'll deal with it my way. Besides, I promised to not let you get drunk again on my watch."

"It isn't your job to watch me!" Kim insisted after they were served.

"Well it ought to me someone's job. You're watching one of the most dangerous women in the world and you get drunk your first night on duty while trying to impress her."

"One mistake! One tiny little mistake, and you'll hold it against me the rest of my life?"

"Probably."

"And you need real pain medicine, not whiskey, for your pain."

"I need..." Shego's voice softened to an uncharacteristic tone. "I don't know what I need at the moment. Thanks for being with me today. I really... Stop me before I get sloppy sentimental. You wouldn't like me if I'm sloppy sentimental."

"I think the line is I wouldn't like you if you're angry. And I don't like you when you're angry. Sloppy sentimental? Don't know if I'd like you like that or not. I've never seen you in that condition. Maybe you could try it sometime instead of the sarcastic to give me an idea."

"Maybe. I'll pencil you in for the second Tuesday of next week."

Kim's phone rang. "Hello? ... We're done at the Saudi embassy. ... No, everything was fine, we stopped for a drink afterward. ... No, I'm having a weak beer. ... No repeat, neither you nor Shego is ever going to let me forget that, are you? ... Okay, my report as soon as we're back to the ship. I need to pack. ... Okay, head back now."

"Now?" Shego asked after Kim hung up. "Can we at least finish our drinks?"

"That long. But my mission director, who you think is Rose, but I never said that, wants me back. I'm going to need to teleconference with the head of Global Justice for–"

"Will my name come up in the conversation?"

"Probably. And then there will be a report to write up. It's going to take... And I need to pack and leave the ship for–"

"Finish your beer," sighed Shego. "You're going to be too distracted to be any fun."

On arriving back at the ship agent Carlson was appointed to watch Shego in case there was another attempt on her life.

"This guy any better than Du?" whispered Shego as responsibility for her well-being was handed off.

"When he's bored he's into bad practical jokes," Kim warned. "Hopefully he'll take the job seriously. He may be the one who put itching powder in Du's underwear."

"He won't be getting close to mine," promised Shego.

"Uh... Will I see you again?"

"You can put money on it, Pumpkin."

It took Kim hours to finish everything she needed to do. After she dropped her bag in the small Copenhagen hotel room where she was to stay one night before the conference, and mission, officially ended she took out her phone to call Shego. No answer. "May be taking her awhile to answer with her left hand," Kim thought, and called again. No answer. Kim tried another number.

"Kim?"

"Rose, could you give me the number for Seth Carlson? You assigned him to watch Shego and she isn't answering her phone."

"I saw Seth a little while ago, he was... Let me give you his number."

Agent Carlson reported, "She left."

"What do you mean? She left."

"What do you think I mean. She asked me to help her pack in her cabin and called a taxi to take her to the airport. She told me she had a flight to catch to Rome."

"You let her get on a taxi and leave?"

"I wasn't told to detain her, just keep her safe! I even rode to the airport with her to make she she got there safe... And she stiffed me for the fare! I had to pay for the round trip to get back! She should have payed her own damn way!"

_"Okay,"_ thought Kim, _"she didn't answer because she was on the plane. Why didn't she tell me she was leaving? She'll call when she gets to Rome."_ Kim was able to find the flight Shego had taken. Kim called after Shego's flight had reached Rome. There was no answer. There was no call from Rome. Could she have taken a private flight down to the Senior's island? _"She promised to see me."_ Kim kept waiting for a phone call that didn't come.

The other agents avoided Kim on the flight back to the US. She appeared in no mood for conversation.

* * *

Angry and frustrated Kim arrived at her apartment. She stared in the trunk of her car, wondering how much she could carry in on one trip. _"Luggage can wait until later. I need to get the groceries in now."_

Why hadn't Shego called her? She wasn't going to call the green woman again. She absolutely wasn't going to call the green woman again. There was no way in hell she would call Shego after Shego ditched her again. Well, maybe in a couple days – just to see how Shego's arm was doing. Perhaps tomorrow... No! Shego leaving like that was a slap in the face... It had made the end of the mission... Like Shego really cared about how Kim's mission went. Shego didn't care about anything but money.

After a minute of fumbling with her key while attempting to open her door without putting a bag down, Kim put a bag down and opened the door.

Kim heard the sound of the television set in her living room, and a voice called, "You're late! You should have been back an hour ago!"

"You broke into my apartment?" yelled Kim.

"Of course not," retorted Shego. "And don't change the subject, young lady. What kept you?"

"Don't change the subject? You break into my apartment and tell me I'm late? That's the subject!"

"And I told you, I didn't break into your apartment. Your plane landed almost two hours ago – and don't tell me it was delayed, I checked with the airport. I'll be generous in how much time it took you to get your luggage and find a shuttle to the economy lot. I assume you had your car in the economy lot, right?"

"Yes, but–"

"So, you should have been back an hour... Groceries?

"Yes, but–"

Shego inhaled, "Chinese takeout?"

"Yes, why–"

"Did you bring enough to share?"

"I didn't know–"

"So the answer's no. I should have known. And you really need to up the cable channels you get, I've been watching garbage while I–"

Kim raised her voice in an attempt to complete a sentence, "What are you doing here? What do you mean, you didn't break in? You break in, and then say you didn't? Are you crazy?"

"Interesting question. But I believe if someone has a key to a place it isn't breaking in."

"I didn't give you a key to my apartment!"

"An oversight on your part. I forgive you."

"If you didn't have a key it was breaking–"

As Kim spoke Shego held up a key, "See. I didn't break in."

"That's a key to my apartment?"

"I've been telling you that since you finally got back. What is it with you not believing me? That's a lousy way to start a relationship."

Kim closed her eyes, took a deep breath and counted to ten. If a person is dreaming or hallucinating, are they aware they are dreaming or hallucinating? There was a term for knowing you were dreaming. Kim tried to recall the term.

"Something wrong?" demanded Shego.

"I'm dreaming, but I can't recall what they call it when you know you're dreaming while you're dreaming."

"I think it's lucid dreaming. But you need to be asleep to do it."

"I am asleep. Maybe I'm on the plane."

"You're in your apartment. And in addition to a better cable package I think we need to upgrade some of this furniture if you expect me to be be spending time here with you."

Kim opened her eyes, "What did you say?"

"What you thought you heard. Ron thought you wanted me spending time with you. I thought it was best idea he's ever had."

"Ron said that?"

"You remember Ron, don't you? Blond guy, freckles, about my height."

"I know Ron, I just can't believe he–"

"He was sure you wanted me here. He said you'd obviously fucked up when I told him you'd forgotten to give me a key. So he had a copy made for me."

"When did you see Ron? And he would not have said I fucked up."

"I was paraphrasing. He..." Shego sighed and closed her eyes for a second, "You haven't turned your phone on, have you?"

"Of... No. I was a little upset with your rude behavior, and–"

"My rude behavior? You don't even check your phone and you accuse me of being rude!"

"Hold on," Kim told her and turned airplane mode off on her phone. "There's a bunch of messages from Ron."

"Turns out he's a swell guy. Flew in, picked me up at the airport. We're having lunch with him tomorrow."

"Lunch?"

"Yeah, I assume we're going to be too tired to get out of bed before ten tomorrow."

"And he really gave you the key... You didn't hurt him?"

"Not a bit. He said we deserved each other... Something about irresistible force and immovable object. Dibs on being the irresistible force."

It was Kim's turn to close her eyes for a moment and sigh, "What am I going to do with you?"

"I've got a couple suggestions," smirked Shego. "How about we start by kissing each other without you being drunk or me stoned on pain meds?"

Kim smiled, "First time you've made sense since I got home."

–The End–


End file.
